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Monday 21 January 2013

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Today, I have to take a midterm, which is worth a large part of my grade. All our teacher has taught us so far is how to roast s'mores over a Bunsen burner, and how to make gummy bears explode. Our test is on kinetics. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 4:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

by pdub523 / 01/27/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML

by birthday_loser / 01/23/2013 at 2:33pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

by Creeped out / 01/28/2013 at 3:14am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband quit his stable job of 12 years at the bank to pursue a career selling kites. If we don't end up homeless because of this, god knows we will when he has a real mid-life crisis. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2013 at 5:20pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Love

Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML

by Ear Invasion / 01/26/2013 at 12:53am / United States (New Mexico) / Animals

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my roommate and I noticed a foul smell in our apartment. After looking around for a little while, I found that her cat had pooped on a pair of my jeans, and apparently tried to cover it up by dragging a shirt over the mess. FML

by peteswentzbass / 01/26/2013 at 12:18pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Animals

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2013 at 5:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom had the option of choosing anywhere in the world where we could go on vacation. We live in the USA and she chose to fly to Texas, rent an RV, and drive to Florida. Anywhere in the world. FML

by j_Lauren / 01/27/2013 at 11:48pm / United States / Holidays

Today, I went and bought lunch for all the people I work with. The only meal the place forgot was mine. FML

by me / 01/22/2013 at 1:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML

by frozensolid / 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Transportation

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

by teacher / 01/25/2013 at 12:25am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids