Choose the period

Saturday 19 January 2013

Choose a category

Today, the drummer of my band briefly mentioned something about not being allowed into the United States, just as he left our last practice before our big tour in America. FML

by musicalrose_21 / 01/20/2013 at 7:27am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

by HereWeGoAgain / 01/24/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

by mel / 01/18/2013 at 6:18pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2013 at 7:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

by sad drummer / 01/17/2013 at 3:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

by Sydney / 01/15/2013 at 6:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML

by Job Seeking / 01/22/2013 at 6:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML

by lifebecrazed / 01/17/2013 at 11:57am / Work

Today, when I asked my boss why my bonus was cut in half, he replied, "I have no idea what you really do." I'm the IT Manager. FML

by Anon / 01/18/2013 at 12:53am / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

by Female / 01/22/2013 at 6:16pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

by FMyThroat / 01/17/2013 at 7:39pm / Peru (Lima) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

by asthmattack / 01/25/2013 at 1:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

by protoplasm stole my seat / 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous