Choose the period

Tuesday 15 January 2013

Choose a category

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

by AnonCat / 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I was having a conversation with my mother during which I described something as being pungent. She thought I had made up the word, so I grabbed the dictionary to show her that I hadn't. She then became enraged, threw the dictionary at my head and told me never to talk to her again. FML

by Mizzaroo / 01/17/2013 at 1:38am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

by badenoughflowers / 01/14/2013 at 10:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

by Brooke / 01/15/2013 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:52am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, someone broke into my car by smashing the driver's side window. I'd be less irritated if they had just used the door handle; the lock has been broken for years. FML

by Perplexed / 01/19/2013 at 8:14am / United States (South Dakota) / Money

Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 7:21pm / Canada (Newfoundland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML

by TheOtherWoman / 01/18/2013 at 12:21pm / United Kingdom (North Somerset) / Love

Today, I went and bought lunch for all the people I work with. The only meal the place forgot was mine. FML

by me / 01/22/2013 at 1:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

by veggieluver / 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

by pigtails / 01/16/2013 at 7:21am / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML

by Ari / 01/16/2013 at 1:36am / Health

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML

by daddy's girl / 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous