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Saturday 12 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31393) - you deserved it (3071)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

#20455938
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23741) - you deserved it (3062)

On 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by I'm screwed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

#20450908
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36199) - you deserved it (3002)

On 01/09/2013 at 10:15pm - love - by wtf dad - United States (Missouri)

Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML

#20466217
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29056) - you deserved it (2975)

On 01/18/2013 at 12:21pm - love - by TheOtherWoman (woman) - United Kingdom (North Somerset)

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

#20462282
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27138) - you deserved it (2869)

On 01/16/2013 at 7:21am - misc - by pigtails (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

#20446350
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27358) - you deserved it (2852)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by Sawarski - United States

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

#20458013
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34551) - you deserved it (2846)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:36pm - misc - by PeeFlavouredFloss (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, trying to be sweet, I told my girlfriend that I'm so happy we met one another. She muttered, "Well, that makes one of us." FML

#20453944
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29416) - you deserved it (2836)

On 01/11/2013 at 5:22pm - misc - by wtf did i do?? (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

#20461359
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31543) - you deserved it (2804)

On 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by veggieluver (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

#20454196
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35887) - you deserved it (2780)

On 01/11/2013 at 8:11pm - work - by Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends (woman) - United States

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34398) - you deserved it (2774)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

#20453750
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39315) - you deserved it (2764)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML

#20462057
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37292) - you deserved it (2758)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:36am - health - by Ari (woman) -



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