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Saturday 12 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

#20448085
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57473) - you deserved it (4323)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by finallyready (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I realized I'm so lonely that I get comfort from hearing my neighbor snore through my apartment wall. FML

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

#20462817
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26009) - you deserved it (4020)

On 01/16/2013 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

#20466086
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37674) - you deserved it (3892)

On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States

Today, marks the sixth day in a row that my mum has called me to discuss my upcoming wedding. She's obsessed and has intimidated the actual planner I hired into going along with her plans. She's slipped up twice already and accidentally referred to it as her own wedding. Just great. FML

#20453938
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37779) - you deserved it (3879)

On 01/11/2013 at 5:19pm - love - by fuck you, mum (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36873) - you deserved it (3849)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, after a very heartfelt conversation with my mother, I promised her that I'd quit smoking. I walked in on her smoking my cigarettes an hour later. Her excuse was that she didn't want my money to have gone to waste. FML

#20468389
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27670) - you deserved it (3778)

On 01/19/2013 at 7:46pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

#20459715
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35109) - you deserved it (3744)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, as part of a charity project called Operation Valentine, I worked with 150 other volunteers to make care packages and Valentine's Day cards to send to the troops in Afghanistan, thanking them for their courage. My boyfriend called the cards "cheating" and now refuses to see me. FML

#20460276
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38506) - you deserved it (3713)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:23am - love - by helpme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

#20466884
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37331) - you deserved it (3620)

On 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by methane overload (man) - United States

Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML

#20458912
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49572) - you deserved it (3579)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:36pm - misc - by What a happy day (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying: "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML

#20447722
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29821) - you deserved it (3574)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:31am - love - by movingbuddy (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I walked up sixteen flights of stairs to my room to avoid the lift lines. When I was almost to the top, the fire alarm sounded. FML

#20462640
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32097) - you deserved it (3555)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:02pm - misc - by tired - United States (Massachusetts)



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