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Saturday 12 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36013) - you deserved it (5183)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, after working the midnight shift at my job, I thought it would be nice to leave a sweet love note along with my boyfriend's favourite candy in his car. Upon finding it, he immediately broke up with me for "breaking into" his car. FML

#20460414
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32425) - you deserved it (4939)

On 01/15/2013 at 7:14am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34566) - you deserved it (4883)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50518) - you deserved it (4848)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

#20456974
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38597) - you deserved it (4825)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by Mary - Czech Republic

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

#20456813
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30416) - you deserved it (4777)

On 01/13/2013 at 7:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

#20446338
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29892) - you deserved it (4743)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

#20456391
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39622) - you deserved it (4642)

On 01/13/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

#20448490
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25890) - you deserved it (4632)

On 01/08/2013 at 6:56pm - animals - by life// (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML

#20455481
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27717) - you deserved it (4579)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

#20447919
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32581) - you deserved it (4532)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

#20448085
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57393) - you deserved it (4319)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by finallyready (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41019) - you deserved it (4277)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -



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