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Friday 11 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

#20456501
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19924) - you deserved it (7819)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by frustrated - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

#20454752
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18375) - you deserved it (7090)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:36am - misc - by poohanne - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML

#20458570
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26587) - you deserved it (6889)

On 01/14/2013 at 5:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25544) - you deserved it (6801)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23272) - you deserved it (6684)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

#20451321
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21903) - you deserved it (6545)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:28am - kids - by Facepalmum (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

#20458937
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33521) - you deserved it (6514)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

#20453003
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26249) - you deserved it (6503)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

#20446465
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18230) - you deserved it (6465)

On 01/07/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

#20465100
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25307) - you deserved it (6428)

On 01/17/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by jakeeey - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML

#20453278
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30102) - you deserved it (6234)

On 01/11/2013 at 5:24am - love - by Latina (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

#20455279
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26613) - you deserved it (6187)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML

#20461046
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33634) - you deserved it (6048)

On 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm - intimacy - by itsrathersmall (woman) - United States (North Dakota)



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Wednesday 15 May 2013

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