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Friday 11 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

#20465100
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37663) - you deserved it (10275)

On 01/17/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by jakeeey - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31606) - you deserved it (9572)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

#20454752
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24433) - you deserved it (9529)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:36am - misc - by poohanne - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

#20458937
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44676) - you deserved it (9256)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33432) - you deserved it (9171)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

#20464089
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30455) - you deserved it (9122)

On 01/17/2013 at 5:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

#20453003
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34177) - you deserved it (8992)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

#20455279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35379) - you deserved it (8589)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49602) - you deserved it (8339)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

#20447288
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43782) - you deserved it (8321)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after a long, horrible day at work and some fighting with my family and my girlfriend, I decided to cheer myself up by going to McDonald's for a change. I burst into tears when the cashier told me they couldn't make me a Mars McFlurry because they'd run out of ingredients. FML

#20460946
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38420) - you deserved it (8211)

On 01/15/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32494) - you deserved it (8207)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML

#20453156
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30536) - you deserved it (7875)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:09am - animals - by deadhammy (man) - United States (California)



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