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Friday 11 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my wife has the flu, while I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as to who's more contagious and who should take care of her as to not get her sick. Yay for the entire day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. FML

#20448554
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20820) - you deserved it (1644)

On 01/08/2013 at 7:26pm - health - by Curly (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

#20452458
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24384) - you deserved it (1626)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

#20466682
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31831) - you deserved it (1619)

On 01/18/2013 at 6:18pm - misc - by mel (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

#20454916
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28533) - you deserved it (1607)

On 01/12/2013 at 4:52am - misc - by gdog10122 - United States

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

#20445898
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18801) - you deserved it (1590)

On 01/07/2013 at 6:11am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

#20465041
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22208) - you deserved it (1585)

On 01/17/2013 at 7:39pm - misc - by FMyThroat (woman) - Peru (Lima)

Today, when I asked my boss why my bonus was cut in half, he replied, "I have no idea what you really do." I'm the IT Manager. FML

#20465650
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23257) - you deserved it (1568)

On 01/18/2013 at 12:53am - money - by Anon - United States (Texas)

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

#20457387
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28702) - you deserved it (1537)

On 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm - misc - by daughter of a gullible cunt (woman) - Australia

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

#20463067
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24440) - you deserved it (1507)

On 01/16/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by Kallian - United States

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

#20447129
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35500) - you deserved it (1496)

On 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by legitweirdo - United States (New York)

Today, I was the last person in line for going on the bus. Incidentally, I was right behind a guy way taller and wider than me. When he got on the bus, the bus driver immediately shut the door behind him. I was left outside chasing after the bus. FML

#20462065
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25634) - you deserved it (1436)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:42am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

#20456464
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23082) - you deserved it (1424)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:15am - kids - by hiccups - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was making wedding plans with my fiancé. His mother kept complaining about everything, and insisted it was pointless to plan because it's just our "first marriage." She then tried to convince him to dump me and move back in with her because "she's all he'll ever need." FML

#20456563
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29150) - you deserved it (1282)

On 01/13/2013 at 2:22am - love - by MonsterInLaw - United States (Oregon)



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