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Friday 11 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to the hospital with stomach pains. I found out I have mono, as well as a ruptured ovarian cyst, which may need surgery. I called my best friend for support, only for her to drunkenly yell at me for not being at her party, and that this could have waited till a better time. FML

#20452288
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23674) - you deserved it (4138)

On 01/10/2013 at 6:11pm - health - by thanksforthat (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

#20446049
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22905) - you deserved it (4104)

On 01/07/2013 at 10:40am - love - by gassy - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I finally agreed on something: marriage counseling. FML

#20455127
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21434) - you deserved it (3905)

On 01/12/2013 at 10:28am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34694) - you deserved it (3777)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

#20460703
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32710) - you deserved it (3724)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

#20445835
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20510) - you deserved it (3709)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:35am - love - by kat124ever (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

#20452996
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34420) - you deserved it (3681)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

#20464240
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33886) - you deserved it (3644)

On 01/17/2013 at 9:06am - love - by EmberLove (woman) - United States

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

#20462817
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21773) - you deserved it (3628)

On 01/16/2013 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

#20456813
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25387) - you deserved it (3454)

On 01/13/2013 at 7:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

#20448490
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19858) - you deserved it (3396)

On 01/08/2013 at 6:56pm - animals - by life// (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27443) - you deserved it (3369)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

#20446338
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21338) - you deserved it (3352)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



Allison Myres Perry & Jim Perry 's illustrated FML

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  • FML’s Roommates from hell
  • If we could, we’d probably all live on our own. Exotic dancers would do our cleaning and housework; bartenders would serve us glamorous cocktails with mini paper umbrellas in them every hour on the dot. We would…

Monday 20 May 2013

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