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Friday 4 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML

#20434488
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36439) - you deserved it (3248)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by _The__Doctor_ (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34706) - you deserved it (3143)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

#20438667
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34840) - you deserved it (3135)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:59pm - love - by great. -

Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML

#20447887
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38819) - you deserved it (3096)

On 01/08/2013 at 11:40am - work - by AnonUser464 (man) - United States

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

#20450908
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36214) - you deserved it (3004)

On 01/09/2013 at 10:15pm - love - by wtf dad - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

#20433319
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24596) - you deserved it (2958)

On 12/31/2012 at 1:46am - misc - by bpruitt95 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

#20433852
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45554) - you deserved it (2860)

On 12/31/2012 at 10:44am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

#20446350
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27375) - you deserved it (2852)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by Sawarski - United States

Today, trying to be sweet, I told my girlfriend that I'm so happy we met one another. She muttered, "Well, that makes one of us." FML

#20453944
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29437) - you deserved it (2836)

On 01/11/2013 at 5:22pm - misc - by wtf did i do?? (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend knocked into me with his car. I drove myself to the hospital because he couldn't stop laughing long enough to drive. FML

#20434038
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30409) - you deserved it (2824)

On 12/31/2012 at 1:13pm - misc - by anon - United States (California)

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

#20454196
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35904) - you deserved it (2781)

On 01/11/2013 at 8:11pm - work - by Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends (woman) - United States

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34420) - you deserved it (2776)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

#20453750
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39325) - you deserved it (2765)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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