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Today.. . I woke up to a looool small fre on my roof.. . burning up small twigs an branches . The cause? Last night.. . I threw a sparkling frecracker up very high.. . only to have it blown onto my roof by the wind . It's going to take $2...000 to fix the damage . FML
today during an hour-long drive, my sister told me she's lost her "faith in humanity", because one of her friends bought his 8-year-old son an iPad. She uses this stupid expression all the time, an I got so pissd off that I forgot to brake at a rd light, rear-ending the car in front of us. FML
Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of mah boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well u found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML
I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't ave a air tie... so I used a tong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daugter. I trew on my clotes... drove to pick er up... went to te store... and went fir ice cream... tong still in my air. mega FML
Today, while talking to one of mah parents friends, we discoverd that the house he grew up in is the same house mah boyfriend now lives in. When he recalld that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, ( Oh mah gosh, I lost mah virginity there! ) mega FML
Today, I startd charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognizd my iPhone as an MP3 player an startd playing the audio from the porn video I watchd before we left. Everybody hered. FML
Today , while out hiking , my phone slippd out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin , giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later , I askd her fir my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML
TODAY, IN AN ELABORATE PLAN TO FINALLY MEET MAH CUTE NEIGHBOR, I CONVINCED MAH FRIENDLY MAILMAN TO SWITCH UP OUR MAIL SO I'D HAVE AN EXCUSE TO MEET HER. AFTER I DELIVERED HER MAIL, I WAITED 4 HER TO MENTION THAT SHE HAD MAH MAIL, BUT SHE NEVER DID. I EVEN SAW HER TAKE IT OUT OF HER MAIL BOX.
Friday 27 March 2015