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Friday 4 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people. FML

#20441551
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23793) - you deserved it (4952)

On 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm - health - by WellShit (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

#20443434
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27928) - you deserved it (4911)

On 01/05/2013 at 4:21am - intimacy - by kblevss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML

#20445879
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17359) - you deserved it (4906)

On 01/07/2013 at 5:21am - health - by scaredofhedges (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I were trying out a site on which you talk to strangers using a mic and webcam. We came across a cute guy, who said to my friend, "Tell the fat guy to move." He was referring to me. I'm a girl. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

#20445835
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23577) - you deserved it (4861)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:35am - love - by kat124ever (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, I paused the movie my girlfriend and I were watching and told her, for the first time, that I loved her. Her response was to stare at me silently for a few seconds before unpausing the film. FML

#20440422
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30062) - you deserved it (4818)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I bought myself a pair of beautiful, hand-crafted earrings with lighthouses on them. My mother was quick to point out the lighthouses look like dicks. I don't think I can ever wear them again. FML

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48535) - you deserved it (4682)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31641) - you deserved it (4554)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

#20448490
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24933) - you deserved it (4538)

On 01/08/2013 at 6:56pm - animals - by life// (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

#20438439
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47609) - you deserved it (4358)

On 01/02/2013 at 10:49am - work - by habassistant - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

#20447919
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29731) - you deserved it (4244)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, after 3 years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

#20444582
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27053) - you deserved it (4223)

On 01/06/2013 at 3:49am - love - by ItRainedOutside (man) - United States (Florida)



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