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Friday 4 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people. FML

#20441551
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25863) - you deserved it (5221)

On 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm - health - by WellShit (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35867) - you deserved it (5177)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, my friend and I were trying out a site on which you talk to strangers using a mic and webcam. We came across a cute guy, who said to my friend, "Tell the fat guy to move." He was referring to me. I'm a girl. FML

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

#20433657
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30490) - you deserved it (5115)

On 12/31/2012 at 6:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

#20436006
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45174) - you deserved it (5092)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:15am - misc - by Sarah - United States

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

#20443434
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29262) - you deserved it (5072)

On 01/05/2013 at 4:21am - intimacy - by kblevss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought myself a pair of beautiful, hand-crafted earrings with lighthouses on them. My mother was quick to point out the lighthouses look like dicks. I don't think I can ever wear them again. FML

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50365) - you deserved it (4840)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

#20438439
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51075) - you deserved it (4727)

On 01/02/2013 at 10:49am - work - by habassistant - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33168) - you deserved it (4727)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

#20448490
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25720) - you deserved it (4618)

On 01/08/2013 at 6:56pm - animals - by life// (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

#20443271
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18682) - you deserved it (4616)

On 01/05/2013 at 12:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

#20446338
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28212) - you deserved it (4557)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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