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Sunday 30 December 2012

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Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2012 at 11:31pm / United States / Love

Today, after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up my portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell my parents, only for my brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into my face. I now have a huge gash over my cheek and nose. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2012 at 8:23pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

by ashbeat / 01/01/2013 at 10:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I saw a girl I like a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML

by Dkim620 / 01/06/2013 at 10:16pm / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting "All by Myself" so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML

by all by myself / 12/25/2012 at 12:00am / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, while my girlfriend was playing a game on my phone, an unknown number sent me a nude picture and the words "Miss you, baby." This person's mistake just cost me a black eye, and probably my relationship too. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2012 at 12:33pm / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend showed up at my grandmother's wake in torn jeans and a Family Guy t-shirt. When I took him aside asked him what the hell he was thinking, he lost his temper and stormed out. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2013 at 5:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML

by so embarrassed / 01/05/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

by marisa / 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Love

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

by Enyo / 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm / Reserved / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

by un_christmas / 12/25/2012 at 1:41am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Love

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2012 at 3:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2012 at 11:58pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money