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Sunday 30 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

#20423881
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36655) - you deserved it (4365)

On 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by geewhy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

#20438439
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47605) - you deserved it (4358)

On 01/02/2013 at 10:49am - work - by habassistant - United States (Ohio)

Today, after 3 years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

#20444582
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27056) - you deserved it (4223)

On 01/06/2013 at 3:49am - love - by ItRainedOutside (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me by writing on my bathroom mirror in Sharpie. What did he write? "Hi, I'm Emily. I'm fat, ugly, and now single." FML

#20440103
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47277) - you deserved it (4178)

On 01/03/2013 at 1:42am - love - by Emily (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was texting my mother after my boyfriend broke off our relationship. She offered incredibly supportive replies such as "No, really?" and "Aww, that sucks." before apparently getting bored and claiming she had to go because her "text reception" was breaking up. FML

#20426386
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23721) - you deserved it (4162)

On 12/27/2012 at 6:20pm - love - by youfuckingdumbassmum (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

#20442898
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20934) - you deserved it (4088)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:56pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

#20429501
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36751) - you deserved it (4055)

On 12/29/2012 at 4:32am - misc - by gassy - United States (Washington)

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

#20417856
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38850) - you deserved it (3989)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37361) - you deserved it (3971)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

#20423470
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38707) - you deserved it (3927)

On 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML

#20436604
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50949) - you deserved it (3915)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm - misc - by apparentlythereisnokarma - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML

#20427017
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54432) - you deserved it (3843)

On 12/27/2012 at 11:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

#20436012
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50176) - you deserved it (3784)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:20am - intimacy - by ashbeat - Australia (New South Wales)



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