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Sunday 30 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

#20434659
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46589) - you deserved it (7055) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by aelia_oups - Sent from mobile version

Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML

#20426492
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51434) - you deserved it (7016)

On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

#20442461
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18831) - you deserved it (6682)

On 01/04/2013 at 11:59am - kids - by Raela (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that I was pregnant and sent a picture of the positive test to my boyfriend. Before I got a text back from him, I got his newly updated Facebook status that read "This has got to be the most depressing day of my life." FML

#20444550
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22609) - you deserved it (6676)

On 01/06/2013 at 3:17am - misc - by kiken.bara - United States

Today, I had a fight with my boyfriend over a girl he is close to. He later arrived with flowers for what I thought was an apology. He was actually breaking up with me; the flowers were for her, he just didn't want to leave them in the car. FML

#20442364
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25578) - you deserved it (6581)

On 01/04/2013 at 9:08am - love - by damn (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I paused the movie my girlfriend and I were watching and told her, for the first time, that I loved her. Her response was to stare at me silently for a few seconds before unpausing the film. FML

#20440422
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35816) - you deserved it (6477)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

#20427233
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31544) - you deserved it (6348)

On 12/28/2012 at 2:03am - kids - by UngratefulBrat - United States (New York)

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36524) - you deserved it (6250)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

#20438198
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40452) - you deserved it (6238)

On 01/02/2013 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my workplace was having a raffle and was giving away a Venus shaving kit. A co-worker won, but instead of keeping it, she walked over and handed the basket to me in front of everyone, said "You need it more" and walked away. FML

#20433619
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30094) - you deserved it (5952)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:17am - work - by shaving kit (woman) -

Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML

#20433442
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26993) - you deserved it (5943)

On 12/31/2012 at 2:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

#20436663
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41877) - you deserved it (5909)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

#20418972
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39902) - you deserved it (5770)

On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)



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