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Saturday 29 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

#20443434
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19922) - you deserved it (2904)

On 01/05/2013 at 4:21am - intimacy - by kblevss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

#20429501
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30905) - you deserved it (2880)

On 12/29/2012 at 4:32am - misc - by gassy - United States (Washington)

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

#20423470
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32990) - you deserved it (2861)

On 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my wife is pregnant and sick. She switches from sobbing she's sorry for that, to blaming me for "doing this to me." On top of that, I have half her symptoms now: throwing up and crying for no reason. This will be a long 9 months. FML

#20443596
147 comments

Today, while my girlfriend was playing a game on my phone, an unknown number sent me a nude picture and the words "Miss you, baby." This person's mistake just cost me a black eye, and probably my relationship too. FML

#20427797
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32216) - you deserved it (2794)

On 12/28/2012 at 12:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

#20434205
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29940) - you deserved it (2762)

On 12/31/2012 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking in the park, when a kid ran up and hit me in the stomach. He said, "Don't get mad, get glad!" and ran off. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

#20434472
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32356) - you deserved it (2705)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm - work - by shattysituation - United States

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

#20423881
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30355) - you deserved it (2664)

On 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by geewhy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML

#20427017
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47078) - you deserved it (2632)

On 12/27/2012 at 11:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

#20433319
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20323) - you deserved it (2595)

On 12/31/2012 at 1:46am - misc - by bpruitt95 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML

#20443881
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17085) - you deserved it (2591)

On 01/05/2013 at 4:56pm - love - by so embarrassed (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at church, when my mom's phone went off during the sermon. As if that wasn't humiliating enough for me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song. FML

#20430388
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20892) - you deserved it (2584)

On 12/29/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by killme (man) - United States (Maine)



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