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Friday 28 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

#20427233
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31052) - you deserved it (6307)

On 12/28/2012 at 2:03am - kids - by UngratefulBrat - United States (New York)

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

#20438198
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40310) - you deserved it (6224)

On 01/02/2013 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35649) - you deserved it (6154)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today, my workplace was having a raffle and was giving away a Venus shaving kit. A co-worker won, but instead of keeping it, she walked over and handed the basket to me in front of everyone, said "You need it more" and walked away. FML

#20433619
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29664) - you deserved it (5897)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:17am - work - by shaving kit (woman) -

Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML

#20433442
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26512) - you deserved it (5890)

On 12/31/2012 at 2:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

#20436663
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40808) - you deserved it (5791)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

#20418972
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39703) - you deserved it (5752)

On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, during dinner, my mum asked why I've been so upset recently, so I just admitted it was because my girlfriend had cheated on me. At some point during my venting, I asked why this stuff always seems to happen to me. My dad looked up from his plate and said, "Probably karma." FML

#20442962
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16842) - you deserved it (5742)

On 01/04/2013 at 9:04pm - misc - by moronforadad (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people. FML

#20441551
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25566) - you deserved it (5180)

On 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm - health - by WellShit (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

#20433657
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29944) - you deserved it (5066)

On 12/31/2012 at 6:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML

#20427288
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35769) - you deserved it (5060)

On 12/28/2012 at 2:49am - misc - by Ren - United States (Ohio)

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

#20436006
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44385) - you deserved it (5026)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:15am - misc - by Sarah - United States

Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML

#20432803
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39467) - you deserved it (4949)

On 12/30/2012 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)



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