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Sunday 23 December 2012

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

by un_christmas / 12/25/2012 at 1:41am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Love

Today, my fiancé called off our engagement after I contested his belief that women stop having periods after they are married. FML

by kidyounot / 12/17/2012 at 7:29pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML

by idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch / 12/18/2012 at 4:44pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2012 at 11:58pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML

by spellbound / 12/19/2012 at 9:59am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

by Igor / 12/19/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, while at the airport waiting for my flight, I sat down next to a mother and her son. As I pulled out a water bottle, she leaned over to her son and said, "Promise me you will never do what the man next to you just did." I have no idea what the hell I did wrong. FML

Today, I was at church, when my mom's phone went off during the sermon. As if that wasn't humiliating enough for me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song. FML

by killme / 12/29/2012 at 5:33pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

by say dump him and i'll kill you / 12/28/2012 at 7:50pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 6:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I was walking in the park, when a kid ran up and hit me in the stomach. He said, "Don't get mad, get glad!" and ran off. FML

by ShadowReaper101 / 12/29/2012 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

by gaggin / 12/26/2012 at 2:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 1:29am / Canada (Alberta) / Love