Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Friday 21 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

#20419819
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80072) - you deserved it (24573)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by valnaj1 (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, I took a relaxing bath, but got the book I was reading slightly wet when getting out. I put it on top of the towel dryer after delicately shaking it. Five minutes later, I heard a splash; I went into the bathroom to find that my book had toppled into the toilet bowl. FML

#20403223
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11347) - you deserved it (23377)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by LemmyIsWet (man) - United States

Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML

#20408734
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36740) - you deserved it (22619)

On 12/20/2012 at 9:49am - intimacy - by joyness (woman) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, at a post-Christmas party, I saw a cute girl standing underneath a mistletoe. I walked up to her and pointed out that we were both standing under a mistletoe. She looked at me, winced, and quickly walked away. FML

#20424412
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17914) - you deserved it (20696)

On 12/26/2012 at 9:09pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten a repair manual for my truck. Apparently, my parents are "Tired of seeing that piece of shit in front of our house." FML

#20423026
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12569) - you deserved it (19711)

On 12/26/2012 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

#20406748
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33065) - you deserved it (19027)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ayye_its_nikki - United States (Texas)

Today, I looked at my neighbor's empty lawn; he's an old guy and he usually has the best Christmas lights. We knew he might not be able to do them this year, so I felt bad and I did them for him. Later, a neighbor asked about them and I told her that I helped out. She said, "You do know he died, right?" FML

#20411217
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32793) - you deserved it (17195)

On 12/21/2012 at 11:00am - misc - by Syd - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

#20407705
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20578) - you deserved it (16286)

On 12/19/2012 at 3:53pm - health - by Crusty -

Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML

#20427625
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37664) - you deserved it (14354)

On 12/28/2012 at 10:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

#20408274
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37946) - you deserved it (13833)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

#20403258
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35155) - you deserved it (13793)

On 12/17/2012 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I dyed my naturally-blonde hair dark brown. Upon seeing me, my boyfriend immediately wanted to have sex, because I now remind him of his favourite porn star. FML

#20413704
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40870) - you deserved it (13749)

On 12/22/2012 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by brunetteshavemorefun (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML

#20418722
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37547) - you deserved it (12424)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by selfishsexysanta (woman) - United States



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: