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Sunday 16 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

#20407310
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10755) - you deserved it (74036)

On 12/19/2012 at 10:26am - love - by rightinthekarma (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a look through my dad's girlfriend's phone she left on the table. Best part: I now know what I'm getting for christmas. Worst part: I now know my dad's favourite position. FML

#20413212
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14248) - you deserved it (69777)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML

#20399412
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5460) - you deserved it (69214)

On 12/14/2012 at 2:19pm - misc - by fuckmyassimcold (man) - United States

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

#20407423
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8750) - you deserved it (58586)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML

#20405613
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10909) - you deserved it (57723)

On 12/18/2012 at 1:28pm - misc - by junkie (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I'm insanely hungover from a long night of drinking. I'm going to my nephew's baptism in an hour as his godmother. FML

#20402048
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6510) - you deserved it (48526)

On 12/16/2012 at 12:26pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

#20415890
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16251) - you deserved it (46049)

On 12/23/2012 at 10:02am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML

#20412747
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10768) - you deserved it (44132)

On 12/22/2012 at 12:01am - love - by Stupid Drunk - United States

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

#20199046
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11273) - you deserved it (38192)

On 12/10/2012 at 1:09pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

#20411716
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10393) - you deserved it (35320)

On 12/21/2012 at 3:48pm - misc - by mateyouremental - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML

#20407433
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13053) - you deserved it (32743)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I accidentally left my textbook at home. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but today was my class final. Since it was an open-book final, I'd decided not to study for it. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

#20201964
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8339) - you deserved it (32607)

On 12/12/2012 at 2:14pm - misc - by dumbassgrad - United States (California)

Today, I was on my favourite forum when I saw a guy ranting at some pro-lifer fanatic. For fun, I replied "umad bro?" apparently moments after the forum founder also left an angry reply. I'm now banned for a month for "trolling the founder" and all my posts have vanished without a trace. FML

#20416791
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10086) - you deserved it (32370)

On 12/23/2012 at 5:24pm - misc - by you fuckhobbit (man) - United Kingdom



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