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Wednesday 12 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML

Today, I took a relaxing bath, but got the book I was reading slightly wet when getting out. I put it on top of the towel dryer after delicately shaking it. Five minutes later, I heard a splash; I went into the bathroom to find that my book had toppled into the toilet bowl. FML

#20403223
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9106) - you deserved it (15946)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by LemmyIsWet (man) - United States

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

#20406748
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27179) - you deserved it (14068)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ayye_its_nikki - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

#20407705
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16366) - you deserved it (12287)

On 12/19/2012 at 3:53pm - health - by Crusty -

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

#20403258
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28448) - you deserved it (11923)

On 12/17/2012 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

#20401581
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21857) - you deserved it (10711)

On 12/16/2012 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Steve - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

#20199177
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24862) - you deserved it (9735)

On 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19908) - you deserved it (8950)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I sent an email to my boss saying I'd fixed a glitch in our mail servers. He called me later, angrily shouting that I'd done a piss-poor job of fixing it, because my email had spammed his inbox with several hundred duplicate messages. FML

#20399685
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12312) - you deserved it (8785)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

#20402614
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28695) - you deserved it (8172)

On 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my daughter wore my favorite Christmas sweater to an ugly sweater party. FML

#20201801
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16409) - you deserved it (7928)

On 12/12/2012 at 11:05am - kids - by Saduglydad - United States (Texas)

Today, my neighbor installed a large radio that loudly plays Christmas music 24/7. When I called in a complaint to the police department they told me to, "get in the Christmas spirit." FML

#20404496
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24067) - you deserved it (7914)

On 12/17/2012 at 9:28pm - misc - by James (man) - United States

Today, I was pulled over and administered a sobriety test due to an officer's suspicion that I was driving under the influence. I was completely sober, and, apparently, I suck at driving. FML

#20401642
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13386) - you deserved it (7748)

On 12/16/2012 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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