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Thursday 6 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

#20189453
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29753) - you deserved it (3688)

On 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

#20397287
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22867) - you deserved it (3600)

On 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by maxedoutidiot - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

#20192329
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20370) - you deserved it (3585)

On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

#20189474
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19558) - you deserved it (3561)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

#20189170
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25013) - you deserved it (3464)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

#20193405
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30657) - you deserved it (3453)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:18am - animals - by psd60 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML

#20200049
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31506) - you deserved it (3263)

On 12/11/2012 at 2:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

#20191703
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19626) - you deserved it (3149)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML

#20197502
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31794) - you deserved it (3135)

On 12/09/2012 at 9:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

#20189162
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16295) - you deserved it (3116)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:40am - misc - by backtothelaundrettethen (woman) - Germany

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

#20200101
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28150) - you deserved it (3110)

On 12/11/2012 at 3:39am - love - by you're just creepy. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

#20196008
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17769) - you deserved it (3032)

On 12/08/2012 at 4:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

#20189915
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29141) - you deserved it (3016)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)



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