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Thursday 6 December 2012

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Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 3:05pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2012 at 4:28pm / United States / Love

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2012 at 1:43am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

by Gahh... / 12/03/2012 at 12:18am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

by Single / 12/04/2012 at 11:17am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Love

Today, my best friend announced she was getting married. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid but she then added, "You can't be in the bridal party because you don't have the same body type as the other bridesmaids. But you can still come to the bachelorette party!" FML

by SBCR / 12/07/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 5:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

by LearnGeographyUSA / 12/12/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML

by KennyDidIt / 12/09/2012 at 8:18am / United States (Alabama) / Animals

Today, I ran into my high school crush at Target. When I asked her if she remembered me, she patted me on the head, said, "Unfortunately," and walked away. FML

by Likian5 / 12/04/2012 at 8:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

by MoreActionThanMe / 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm / United States / Animals

Today, one of the girls who has made it her job to ruin my life cornered me in the hallway at school. She tried to insult me, and for the first time in my life I had a scathing comeback. My elation quickly ended when she violently shoved my face into the water fountain. FML

by ShadowReiku / 12/13/2012 at 3:39am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right, she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 9:32pm / United States / Kids