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Thursday 6 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34633) - you deserved it (3988)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized the dress I bought yesterday still had the security tag on. I returned to the store to get it removed, only to realize my receipt was misplaced. The lady at the counter thought I stole it, called security, and had me escorted out, dress-less. FML

#20196308
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26679) - you deserved it (3863)

On 12/08/2012 at 12:12pm - money - by bitchsawmebuyit - United States (New York)

Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML

#20201870
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26667) - you deserved it (3818)

On 12/12/2012 at 12:51pm - love - by dino0123 - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

#20189453
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30723) - you deserved it (3793)

On 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

#20192265
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19620) - you deserved it (3741)

On 12/05/2012 at 11:50am - kids - by JessThompson - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

#20192329
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21529) - you deserved it (3712)

On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

#20189170
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27302) - you deserved it (3682)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

#20193405
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32913) - you deserved it (3673)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:18am - animals - by psd60 - United States (Texas)

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

#20189474
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20260) - you deserved it (3669)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML

#20200049
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35180) - you deserved it (3643)

On 12/11/2012 at 2:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

#20191703
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23260) - you deserved it (3639)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

#20196008
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20861) - you deserved it (3468)

On 12/08/2012 at 4:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

#20189915
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32782) - you deserved it (3400)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)



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