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Tuesday 4 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after two weeks of being grounded, I was finally let out of the house by my mom. I had to call her at 1am asking her to come get me, because I got so drunk, I told my ride to leave without me. I'm grounded again after less than a day of freedom. FML

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

#20193830
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5097) - you deserved it (73550)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:23pm - misc - by mom (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

Today, feeling very distant to my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML

#20196447
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5127) - you deserved it (54042)

On 12/08/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML

#20192045
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14733) - you deserved it (48567)

On 12/05/2012 at 6:27am - kids - by Anonymous - Israel

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

#20199046
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11241) - you deserved it (38110)

On 12/10/2012 at 1:09pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11884) - you deserved it (28001)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

#20190915
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10141) - you deserved it (27576)

On 12/04/2012 at 1:51pm - misc - by Vassy (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

#20196663
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8488) - you deserved it (27258)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:52pm - love - by XxtentaculonxX - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

#20195063
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5874) - you deserved it (26296)

On 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm - misc - by Moose (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, while at work taking notes on a pad of paper, my boss witnessed me trying to scroll down on the paper, as if it was a touch-screen phone. FML

#20190845
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6134) - you deserved it (25761)

On 12/04/2012 at 12:16pm - work - by mdg (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

#20195358
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30717) - you deserved it (22753)

On 12/07/2012 at 5:40pm - intimacy - by bill219 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was stuck at a red light on an empty road for ten minutes before I finally realised that not only was I looking at the wrong traffic light, it was also broken. FML

#20196348
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6581) - you deserved it (21419)

On 12/08/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by last time I drive stoned (man) - United Kingdom



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