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Saturday 1 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12035) - you deserved it (28279)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, on an important call with a potential employer, he began to speak quieter and quieter until I couldn't hear him at all. When I finally hung up after waiting for 5 minutes, I realized that I had been pressing down on the volume button. FML

#20182071
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7963) - you deserved it (28222)

On 11/27/2012 at 11:58pm - work - by jkmartinjk - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while lighting a cigarette, I learned the hard way that the amount of styling mousse I used to get my curly hair to become manageable, is the roughly same amount that causes it to become highly flammable. FML

#20186892
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9638) - you deserved it (27332)

On 12/01/2012 at 5:11pm - health - by Awkward (woman) - Bahrain

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

#20184036
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20413) - you deserved it (27140)

On 11/29/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by comeuntome (woman) - United States

Today, while at work taking notes on a pad of paper, my boss witnessed me trying to scroll down on the paper, as if it was a touch-screen phone. FML

#20190845
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6588) - you deserved it (27084)

On 12/04/2012 at 12:16pm - work - by mdg (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

#20195063
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5941) - you deserved it (26546)

On 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm - misc - by Moose (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

#20186785
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8338) - you deserved it (24833)

On 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm - health - by fieldmarshalclitter (man) - United States

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

#20195358
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30988) - you deserved it (22903)

On 12/07/2012 at 5:40pm - intimacy - by bill219 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

#20191114
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11936) - you deserved it (22466)

On 12/04/2012 at 4:34pm - work - by Adan - United States (Washington)

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

#20179414
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10929) - you deserved it (22382)

On 11/26/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by Z (man) - Australia

Today, I was stuck at a red light on an empty road for ten minutes before I finally realised that not only was I looking at the wrong traffic light, it was also broken. FML

#20196348
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6654) - you deserved it (21611)

On 12/08/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by last time I drive stoned (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

#20185753
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7746) - you deserved it (18555)

On 11/30/2012 at 7:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I had a disagreement over the pronunciation of the word "train." It turned into a heated debate that lasted all night and ended with us sleeping in separate rooms. FML



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