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Thursday 29 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

#20186465
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43049) - you deserved it (6716)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States

Today, I ran across the street due to a line of cars waiting for me to cross. Just as I reached the other side, my iPhone slipped out of my hand and fell into the road, just in time to get run over by multiple cars, one after the other. FML

#20181219
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20812) - you deserved it (6661)

On 11/27/2012 at 1:45pm - misc - by unknown - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

#20190789
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29571) - you deserved it (6270)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:04am - misc - by Banana (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

#20181270
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22113) - you deserved it (6015)

On 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm - animals - by Neutered (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I faced a dilemma. If I don't let the cat sleep in my bedroom, she spends all night howling at the door, waking up my 2-year-old in the process. If I do let her in, the dog gets distressed and chews the contents of the bin. If I let both of them in, I have no room to sleep. FML

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28323) - you deserved it (5377)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

#20193447
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19691) - you deserved it (5374)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:24am - misc - by whaleninjapoop - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my grandmother and I turned up to a family function wearing the same outfit. FML

#20184947
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23009) - you deserved it (5332)

On 11/30/2012 at 1:30am - misc - by Awks - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had just had a shower, when I noticed that the mix of my shower gel and deodorant smelled like Lynx Dark Temptation. I was happy, as this is my favourite men's deodorant, until I realised I was happily sniffing my own boobs because they smelled like my ex-boyfriend. FML

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

#20181186
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25494) - you deserved it (5059)

On 11/27/2012 at 1:05pm - work - by bored - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

#20193303
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25133) - you deserved it (4782)

On 12/06/2012 at 12:35am - work - by SpanishInFrenchClass (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

#20185423
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18595) - you deserved it (4420)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:30pm - love - by Gus (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML



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