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Thursday 29 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML

#20182095
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13822) - you deserved it (3093)

On 11/28/2012 at 12:15am - misc - by FUSheldon (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML

#20193528
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18338) - you deserved it (2952)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:50am - love - by FMyEx - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

#20179890
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23589) - you deserved it (2904)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

#20185423
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11938) - you deserved it (2869)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:30pm - love - by Gus (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my 5 kids were singing their favorite Christmas carols in the van, each trying to sing louder than the others. It would have probably sounded better if they were all singing the same song. FML

#20183806
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15114) - you deserved it (2855)

On 11/29/2012 at 9:22am - kids - by Dave (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

#20185014
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15601) - you deserved it (2840)

On 11/30/2012 at 3:33am - work - by onlyslightly (woman) - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

#20180957
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17530) - you deserved it (2766)

On 11/27/2012 at 6:36am - love - by Clementine (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

#20185421
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12632) - you deserved it (2740)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:29pm - misc - by so pray to ariel about it, dipshits (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

#20185787
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27890) - you deserved it (2705)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

#20192329
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16106) - you deserved it (2695)

On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

#20191002
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40912) - you deserved it (2666)

On 12/04/2012 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by AllegroRubato (man) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

#20192265
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13712) - you deserved it (2626)

On 12/05/2012 at 11:50am - kids - by JessThompson - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

#20189915
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24353) - you deserved it (2612)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)



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