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Tuesday 27 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

#20180957
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17543) - you deserved it (2766)

On 11/27/2012 at 6:36am - love - by Clementine (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

#20185421
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12635) - you deserved it (2740)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:29pm - misc - by so pray to ariel about it, dipshits (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

#20185787
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27928) - you deserved it (2705)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

#20191002
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40952) - you deserved it (2667)

On 12/04/2012 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by AllegroRubato (man) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

#20189915
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24389) - you deserved it (2613)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

#20189170
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20227) - you deserved it (2518)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

#20191703
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16890) - you deserved it (2453)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

#20188363
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16073) - you deserved it (2440)

On 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by fineididntwantkidsanyway (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

#20180296
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18572) - you deserved it (2404)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm - love - by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

#20189453
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20679) - you deserved it (2247)

On 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

#20189162
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12522) - you deserved it (2196)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:40am - misc - by backtothelaundrettethen (woman) - Germany

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31160) - you deserved it (2170)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

#20181345
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29595) - you deserved it (2075)

On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)



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