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Monday 26 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

#20181345
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36308) - you deserved it (3184)

On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

#20189162
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16167) - you deserved it (3110)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:40am - misc - by backtothelaundrettethen (woman) - Germany

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

#20189915
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28850) - you deserved it (3000)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34774) - you deserved it (2828)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

#20179174
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28602) - you deserved it (2754)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I came home from the hospital diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's caused by stress. My wife had a very long talk with my son about it. All the kid has been doing for the past 2 hours is scream at his Playstation. I'd rather be at the hospital. FML

#20188739
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17799) - you deserved it (2684)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:03pm - kids - by Nick (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, at a talent show, my band got booed before we even started playing. FML

#20188582
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19113) - you deserved it (2683)

On 12/02/2012 at 9:26pm - misc - by disembob - United Kingdom

Today, my husband quit his job as a university professor and picked up the graveyard shift at a rat farm so he could have more time during the day to play World of Warcraft. FML

#20182185
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28110) - you deserved it (2617)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, the battery cables on my car came loose, thus resetting my car's electronics to factory settings. The anti-theft system is now turned on, and I can't start my car with it on. Luckily, it turns off with a remote. The remote broke about six months ago. FML

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

#20189885
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18183) - you deserved it (2615)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm - misc - by FlyingFist - United States

Today, my parents told me that they had joined a local club. Proud of them for going out of their comfort zone to make new friends, I googled the name of the club. I'm sure they'll make some lifelong friends at their first swingers club meet. FML

#20179494
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23452) - you deserved it (2551)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

#20180296
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20363) - you deserved it (2551)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm - love - by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I caught the train into the city. Halfway there some kids hopped on smelling of marijuana and alcohol. Their topic of discussion? How much pubic hair they had. FML

#20183521
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16920) - you deserved it (2524)

On 11/29/2012 at 12:40am - kids - by fabs1171 - Australia (New South Wales)



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