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Tuesday 20 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

#20173351
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21016) - you deserved it (3710)

On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was so bored with my job at McDonald's that I actually hoped someone would come in and make a huge mess for me to clean. No one did. FML

#20173284
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19492) - you deserved it (3637)

On 11/22/2012 at 12:44am - work - by Ophelia - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

#20171869
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23476) - you deserved it (3586)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:42am - misc - by Jo - United States (California)

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

#20179890
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31155) - you deserved it (3553)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

#20178699
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30321) - you deserved it (3490)

On 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm - love - by nonbelieber (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

#20175088
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25120) - you deserved it (3437)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by Tymer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

#20171880
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30414) - you deserved it (3304)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Dead_Fox (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

#20179174
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33548) - you deserved it (3168)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

#20174725
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22885) - you deserved it (3147)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML

#20170390
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23774) - you deserved it (3100)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:03am - love - by Chris (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML

#20175626
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27249) - you deserved it (3081)

On 11/23/2012 at 7:38pm - love - by jakeson12 - United Kingdom (Dundee City)

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

#20170920
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25564) - you deserved it (3062)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:23pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that the woman from My Strange Addiction who can't stop picking her scabs is married. I've been single for two years and I don't even pick my nose. FML

#20179069
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19287) - you deserved it (2991)

On 11/25/2012 at 11:39pm - love - by Sam (man) - United States (Utah)



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