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Tuesday 20 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

#20169456
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31288) - you deserved it (4734)

On 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by wow babe - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had just had a shower, when I noticed that the mix of my shower gel and deodorant smelled like Lynx Dark Temptation. I was happy, as this is my favourite men's deodorant, until I realised I was happily sniffing my own boobs because they smelled like my ex-boyfriend. FML

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

#20176308
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19690) - you deserved it (4468)

On 11/24/2012 at 6:54am - work - by sad face - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

#20171204
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28329) - you deserved it (4340)

On 11/20/2012 at 4:57pm - health - by thinner than you (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

#20174862
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26862) - you deserved it (4251)

On 11/23/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by RyanJarmanForPresident (woman) - United States

Today, I witnessed a robbery as a teenager ran out of a Walgreens with stolen goods in his hands. The manager was running after him. Trying to be helpful, I pulled forward to block the thief from getting away. The cops showed up and arrested me for hitting a pedestrian. FML

#20169022
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22673) - you deserved it (4246)

On 11/19/2012 at 1:18am - misc - by ausmill12 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

#20171812
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14222) - you deserved it (4074)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:00am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

#20180957
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22695) - you deserved it (3875)

On 11/27/2012 at 6:36am - love - by Clementine (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

#20178424
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31003) - you deserved it (3775)

On 11/25/2012 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, at the age of 29, I now have a relationship on par with a teenager's. Several weeks ago, my fiancé and I lost our home, and are now back living with our respective families. We now have no privacy. I actually just got dropped off at home, before 10, after having sex in a hay field. FML

#20168945
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25940) - you deserved it (3712)

On 11/19/2012 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was nicknamed "Sandman." Not after the bad-ass Spider Man villain but rather because my personality is so boring it puts people to sleep. FML

#20173388
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15310) - you deserved it (3487)

On 11/22/2012 at 2:25am - misc - by zzz - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was so bored with my job at McDonald's that I actually hoped someone would come in and make a huge mess for me to clean. No one did. FML

#20173284
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18120) - you deserved it (3484)

On 11/22/2012 at 12:44am - work - by Ophelia - United States (New Mexico)

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

#20173351
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18688) - you deserved it (3441)

On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States



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