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Sunday 18 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11246) - you deserved it (27310)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, I called Costco to ask them not to renew my membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minutes telling me why I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minutes over my minute allowance. FML

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10940) - you deserved it (26329)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

#20162265
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7079) - you deserved it (26298)

On 11/13/2012 at 8:03pm - misc - by scaredinnyc - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML

#20177683
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7035) - you deserved it (26297)

On 11/25/2012 at 2:12am - misc - by Jocelyn - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML

#20167475
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9736) - you deserved it (26063)

On 11/18/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML

#20162883
274 comments

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

#20178502
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12876) - you deserved it (25088)

On 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm - love - by dumping time (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11467) - you deserved it (23847)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

#20167023
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14497) - you deserved it (22928)

On 11/17/2012 at 5:31pm - kids - by susan (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my room-mates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML

#20176638
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6761) - you deserved it (22557)

On 11/24/2012 at 1:41pm - misc - by kay51 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I told my boss I could handle running the floor buffer. Thirty seconds in, I lost control and became pinned to the wall by its force. In my state of shock and embarrassment, I didn't realize the only thing keeping me trapped was my grip on the accelerator. FML

#20164988
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6455) - you deserved it (19430)

On 11/16/2012 at 12:04am - work - by rubberduck1 - United States (Illinois)

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

#20171594
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7073) - you deserved it (18738)

On 11/20/2012 at 9:37pm - misc - by Hover Hand (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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