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Monday 12 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my boss I could handle running the floor buffer. Thirty seconds in, I lost control and became pinned to the wall by its force. In my state of shock and embarrassment, I didn't realize the only thing keeping me trapped was my grip on the accelerator. FML

#20164988
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5013) - you deserved it (13028)

On 11/16/2012 at 12:04am - work - by rubberduck1 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML

#20162727
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6402) - you deserved it (12547)

On 11/14/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by talker (man) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that no matter how hot and exhausted you are, being blasted in the face with a high pressure hose is always more painful than refreshing. FML

#20165112
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13372) - you deserved it (8626)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend admitted to me that she has been sleeping with someone on her girls basketball team, which at first turned me on. Then I found out he's the team manager. FML

#20164114
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23784) - you deserved it (7912)

On 11/15/2012 at 8:37am - love - by SweetStuff88 (man) - United States

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

#20160393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23523) - you deserved it (7191)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by mm (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, I was singing in the shower, when some suds from my shampoo fell into my mouth and down my throat. I retched and sputtered for about two minutes before finally throwing up. FML

#20166301
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16292) - you deserved it (6581)

On 11/17/2012 at 3:45am - health - by woman - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I bought a new armband to hold my iPhone while working out so I can listen to music and I was excited to start getting in shape. Unfortunately, when I tried it on, my arm was too big and it didn't fit. FML

#20168720
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16491) - you deserved it (5830)

On 11/18/2012 at 10:13pm - health - by joe - United States (Maryland)

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43996) - you deserved it (5633)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

#20160279
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28694) - you deserved it (5415)

On 11/12/2012 at 10:10am - health - by poserpilot - United States (California)

Today, I received my first ever hand-job. It would have been great if she didn't wipe it across my face when I had finished and storm out of the room. FML

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

#20168405
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32692) - you deserved it (5095)

On 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by besviken (woman) - Sweden (Uppsala Lan)

Today, I realized I'd put on my shirt on inside out, so I went to the bathroom stalls to fix it. As I was taking it off, I accidentally dropped it in the toilet. FML

#20169668
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25770) - you deserved it (4996)

On 11/19/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after working out and feeling really confident, I entered a mixed wrestling competition. My first match was against a woman who was over a foot taller than me. She managed to easily lift me over her head and toss me out of the ring within seconds. Confidence: gone. FML

#20160946
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11252) - you deserved it (4883)

On 11/12/2012 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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