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Monday 5 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my friends and I went out to dinner. Being short on cash, I suggested a game where we put our phones in the center of the table and first to check their phone had to pay the bill. Our conversation died out, and fearful of having an awkward silence, I checked my phone. FML

#20160706
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5961) - you deserved it (48764)

On 11/12/2012 at 5:08pm - money - by dgilbs - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17962) - you deserved it (42157)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

#20149916
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11087) - you deserved it (40892)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:15am - intimacy - by coolguy (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

#20154996
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16409) - you deserved it (26985)

On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

#20157115
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12832) - you deserved it (26738)

On 11/10/2012 at 2:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML

#20152648
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13505) - you deserved it (21745)

On 11/07/2012 at 2:31am - misc - by no cake for me (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I paid a locksmith $100 after I locked myself out of my apartment. All he did was hit it, and it flung open. It wasn't locked, it'd just got stuck. FML

#20153207
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8993) - you deserved it (19840)

On 11/07/2012 at 10:00am - money - by stuck (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML

#20150778
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24526) - you deserved it (14986)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:03pm - love - by new name (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML

#20159285
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21580) - you deserved it (10062)

On 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm - love - by notalovestory (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

#20160393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25334) - you deserved it (7562)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by mm (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

#20156190
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19673) - you deserved it (7088)

On 11/09/2012 at 11:23am - work - by EnglishLearner (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

#20153727
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19668) - you deserved it (6886)

On 11/07/2012 at 4:30pm - animals - by Drafty (woman) - United States (California)



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