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Sunday 4 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

#20145795
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34610) - you deserved it (3637)

On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

#20141794
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24424) - you deserved it (3511)

On 10/31/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

#20141194
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30964) - you deserved it (3434)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML

#20144868
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19337) - you deserved it (3389)

On 11/02/2012 at 8:23pm - work - by YOUFUCKINGFUCKSOCK (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML

#20158140
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24954) - you deserved it (3375)

On 11/10/2012 at 10:10pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML

#20149952
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19688) - you deserved it (3156)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:42am - love - by cowgirl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

#20145633
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27692) - you deserved it (3125)

On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

#20144153
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22400) - you deserved it (3118)

On 11/02/2012 at 8:17am - work - by PieterseMJ - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

#20157085
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20096) - you deserved it (3111)

On 11/10/2012 at 1:51am - animals - by Sam l. - United States

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

#20141343
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23999) - you deserved it (3101)

On 10/31/2012 at 6:06am - misc - by hakuna matata - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

#20141262
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25294) - you deserved it (3088)

On 10/31/2012 at 2:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML

#20148447
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25226) - you deserved it (2995)

On 11/05/2012 at 2:02am - love - by sad (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

#20156290
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19209) - you deserved it (2976)

On 11/09/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by baby, baby no (man) - United States (South Carolina)



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