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Sunday 4 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

#20140315
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10413) - you deserved it (70347)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by you (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18021) - you deserved it (42271)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

#20149916
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11128) - you deserved it (41036)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:15am - intimacy - by coolguy (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10277) - you deserved it (40757)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after nearly a year of headaches and fuzzy vision, I went to the eye doctor. It turns out I've had my contacts in the wrong eyes for a year. FML

Today, my hair straightener broke. My husband suggested putting electrical tape on it because it was heat proof. I did and started straightening my hair. The supposed heat proof tape melted and got stuck in my hair. FML

#20145539
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8356) - you deserved it (29430)

On 11/03/2012 at 9:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML

#20146253
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5733) - you deserved it (28985)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by justcomesnaturally (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

#20154996
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17258) - you deserved it (28088)

On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

#20142914
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6255) - you deserved it (27212)

On 11/01/2012 at 1:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

#20157115
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13373) - you deserved it (27416)

On 11/10/2012 at 2:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up with a vague memory of buying something last night while drunk. According to my credit card summary I made a $270 purchase from a home shopping channel. I guess in 5-7 days I'll find out what it was. FML

#20147165
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9062) - you deserved it (25695)

On 11/04/2012 at 11:37am - money - by fnfantastic - United States (Indiana)

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

#20138170
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10744) - you deserved it (25506)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:46am - love - by Anonymous - United States



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