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Sunday 28 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

#20138030
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25135) - you deserved it (5110)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:23am - animals - by lifelike (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33977) - you deserved it (5012)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

#20142562
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30813) - you deserved it (4949)

On 11/01/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by NoSpirit (woman) -

Today, I noticed a rather small man being harassed by a rather large man, so I tried to help out and break it up. The small guy punched me in the face and said, "Mind your business!" The large guy laughed and fist-bumped him. FML

#20138280
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21945) - you deserved it (4943)

On 10/29/2012 at 3:55am - misc - by Nice Guy (man) - United States (California)

Today, after 6 months of training and going to the gym every day, I realized that the only thing I've lost is $300 worth of gas. FML

#20131082
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21917) - you deserved it (4908)

On 10/24/2012 at 9:09am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML

#20143873
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31976) - you deserved it (4885)

On 11/02/2012 at 12:17am - love - by 123alleyesonme - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

#20129288
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31439) - you deserved it (4882)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by bunintheoven (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

#20127903
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19932) - you deserved it (4853)

On 10/22/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by sadguyme (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

#20138654
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19953) - you deserved it (4807)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

#20142866
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27135) - you deserved it (4681) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/01/2012 at 7:48am - love - by Anonymous - France (Picardie)

Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML

#20130128
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25570) - you deserved it (4645)

On 10/23/2012 at 6:00pm - kids - by Pokemon problems - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML

#20132432
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20968) - you deserved it (4451)

On 10/25/2012 at 5:58am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

#20140057
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26396) - you deserved it (4442)

On 10/30/2012 at 10:27am - misc - by Obi1Shinobi - United States



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