Sunday 28 October 2012 
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Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15360) - you deserved it (9500)
On 10/27/2012 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by whoreticulturalist (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)
Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5963) - you deserved it (8013)
On 10/29/2012 at 6:39pm - misc - by IndianAngel96 - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22413) - you deserved it (7528)
On 10/23/2012 at 3:12pm - intimacy - by Andrew - United States
Today, while studying liver pathology and highlighting important lines in my textbook, I realized that I could count the number of words I hadn't highlighted on one hand, over the last six pages. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11987) - you deserved it (7108)
On 11/01/2012 at 5:18pm - misc - by ThisisMedSchool - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13484) - you deserved it (7070)
On 11/01/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14589) - you deserved it (6591)
On 10/30/2012 at 11:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I decided to show my friends the picture I drew, picturing the four of us in a zombie apocalypse setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend and I'm creeping them out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19100) - you deserved it (6508)
On 10/22/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by Nana (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23503) - you deserved it (6445)
On 11/02/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)
Today, while I was cleaning out my son's room, I came across his diary. Opening it out of curiosity, I found ramblings about how blacks, Jews, and other "inferior breeds" should be forcibly sterilized "for the common good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19819) - you deserved it (6126)
On 11/04/2012 at 9:08pm - misc - by Ugh - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24591) - you deserved it (5288)
On 10/22/2012 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by TypeOhNegative (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17943) - you deserved it (4954)
On 10/27/2012 at 2:42am - work - by geena - United States (Illinois)
Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15616) - you deserved it (4921)
On 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I finally found a cute dress that hugged my curves and hid my imperfections. I wore it to my friend's house, and was feeling pretty good about myself, until some pregnant woman walked into the room wearing the exact same thing. It was a maternity dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17959) - you deserved it (4618)
On 10/22/2012 at 12:09pm - misc - by preggersmcgee (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Friday 24 May 2013
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