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Sunday 28 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

#20139053
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8833) - you deserved it (13526)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:39pm - misc - by IndianAngel96 - United States (Texas)

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

#20147226
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17928) - you deserved it (11688)

On 11/04/2012 at 12:12pm - animals - by spiderwoman (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

#20129928
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30827) - you deserved it (10045)

On 10/23/2012 at 3:12pm - intimacy - by Andrew - United States

Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML

#20142410
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18782) - you deserved it (9942)

On 11/01/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

#20141026
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20511) - you deserved it (9159)

On 10/30/2012 at 11:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while I was cleaning out my son's room, I came across his diary. Opening it out of curiosity, I found ramblings about how blacks, Jews, and other "inferior breeds" should be forcibly sterilized "for the common good." FML

#20147982
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26649) - you deserved it (8549)

On 11/04/2012 at 9:08pm - misc - by Ugh - United States (California)

Today, while studying liver pathology and highlighting important lines in my textbook, I realized that I could count the number of words I hadn't highlighted on one hand, over the last six pages. FML

#20143160
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15761) - you deserved it (7904)

On 11/01/2012 at 5:18pm - misc - by ThisisMedSchool - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

Today, I showed my friends the picture I drew picturing the four of us in a 'zombie apocalypse' setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend, and I'm creeping them out. FML

#20128150
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23950) - you deserved it (7489)

On 10/22/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by Nana (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

#20144510
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30492) - you deserved it (7448)

On 11/02/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

#20135099
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23640) - you deserved it (6864)

On 10/27/2012 at 2:42am - work - by geena - United States (Illinois)

Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML

#20146224
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20611) - you deserved it (6833)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

#20142541
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30555) - you deserved it (6482)

On 11/01/2012 at 3:54am - intimacy - by okay._. - United States (California)



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