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Sunday 28 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

#20140315
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10369) - you deserved it (70156)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by you (man) - United Kingdom

Today, it's the five year anniversary of the day I broke up with my girlfriend to see other people. I've not had sex a single time since. FML

#20134961
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12365) - you deserved it (56897)

On 10/27/2012 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Cslouth - United States (New York)

Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML

#20129296
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9645) - you deserved it (51894)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:25am - kids - by Bratty son (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while walking on a nearly empty street, my friend dared me to slap a tall muscular chick on the butt and run away. I went and did it, but before I even had a chance to turn and run, she grabbed me, bent me over her knee and spanked me until I cried. My friend filmed it. FML

#20130842
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6997) - you deserved it (46670)

On 10/24/2012 at 1:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML

#20131351
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16944) - you deserved it (45497)

On 10/24/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10224) - you deserved it (40598)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML

#20129645
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11139) - you deserved it (36064)

On 10/23/2012 at 9:19am - money - by Dinger1992 - United States

Today, after nearly a year of headaches and fuzzy vision, I went to the eye doctor. It turns out I've had my contacts in the wrong eyes for a year. FML

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

#20135671
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9031) - you deserved it (32868)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:28pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was going. I replied heatedly that I've never taught, and then complained bitterly to my fiancé about how his family still doesn't know me. Turns out his stepfather has early onset dementia, and that I'm an asshole. FML

#20129656
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8497) - you deserved it (30889)

On 10/23/2012 at 9:29am - misc - by inthefamily (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML

#20133994
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7150) - you deserved it (29553)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was writing out palm cards and didn't know if I'd spelled a word correctly, so I stared at it for about 10 seconds waiting for spell check to tell me if it was right or not before I realised I was writing on paper. FML

#20135256
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6110) - you deserved it (29415)

On 10/27/2012 at 8:43am - misc - by katier8295 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my hair straightener broke. My husband suggested putting electrical tape on it because it was heat proof. I did and started straightening my hair. The supposed heat proof tape melted and got stuck in my hair. FML

#20145539
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8325) - you deserved it (29296)

On 11/03/2012 at 9:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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