Monday 18 June 2012 
Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18569) - you deserved it (10408)
On 06/19/2012 at 11:35am - intimacy - by megasniper240 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16127) - you deserved it (6948)
On 06/21/2012 at 2:19pm - love - by igiveup (man) - United States
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22540) - you deserved it (6176)
On 06/21/2012 at 1:40am - kids - by Bad Mommy - United States (California)
Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML
I agree, your life sucks (17278) - you deserved it (6122)
On 06/23/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20128) - you deserved it (5958)
On 06/22/2012 at 10:57pm - misc - by GM38 - United States (Florida)
Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous, and not thinking, I made comments that included the words "killing", "dying", and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11111) - you deserved it (4651)
Today, I finally turned 21 so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I decided to order a drink. She replied with, "No problem, kiddo." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15160) - you deserved it (4506)
On 06/19/2012 at 12:28am - misc - by DerrickUhl - United States (California)
Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16564) - you deserved it (4291)
On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12570) - you deserved it (4013)
On 06/25/2012 at 10:59pm - misc - by hearingthings (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, while shopping, I bumped into a guy I knew in high school. He went on about he heard I'd got married, looked like I'd had a baby, and that, "she looks just like you!" The kid was my niece, and my husband broke up with me 2 years ago. Thanks for bringing that up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15890) - you deserved it (4005)
On 06/24/2012 at 6:57am - misc - by thankspal (woman) - United States
Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said "Yeah, yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (16127) - you deserved it (3859)
On 06/24/2012 at 11:03pm - love - by Richard (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I realized I have been single for far too long when I was turning off porno after porno because I couldn't stand the horrible acting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14550) - you deserved it (3657)
On 06/18/2012 at 6:22am - intimacy - by the critic (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15905) - you deserved it (3551)
On 06/25/2012 at 10:05am - misc - by Wwiimaniac (man) - United States (Texas)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
