Saturday 5 May 2012 
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Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12189) - you deserved it (3147)
On 05/04/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by Garry (man) - United States
Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19174) - you deserved it (3109)
On 05/10/2012 at 7:48am - love - by JG (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16097) - you deserved it (3068)
On 05/12/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by Andy (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31495) - you deserved it (3022)
On 05/06/2012 at 8:13pm - intimacy - by madseason (man) - United States
Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12018) - you deserved it (3022)
On 05/07/2012 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had to ring up our local competitors to get prices for paint. I pretended I'd just bought a house and was doing it up, and I actually got excited about doing up a make-believe house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12084) - you deserved it (3011)
On 05/02/2012 at 7:18am - work - by tillyg15 - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24470) - you deserved it (3004)
On 05/06/2012 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Kwalker3 - United States (California)
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21063) - you deserved it (2992)
On 05/12/2012 at 1:27am - intimacy - by crazyman. - United States (Texas)
Today, while at the store, I realized how socially inept I am when I said "excuse me" to a shopping cart because it was in my way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12757) - you deserved it (2955)
On 05/05/2012 at 11:19pm - misc - by BTM13 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17772) - you deserved it (2947)
On 05/05/2012 at 1:42am - intimacy - by CALIdime_15 - United States
Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15559) - you deserved it (2914)
On 05/06/2012 at 10:57am - misc - by flustered (man) - United States (South Dakota)
Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24511) - you deserved it (2861)
On 05/05/2012 at 12:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29972) - you deserved it (2658)
On 05/06/2012 at 9:53am - misc - by Damn (woman) - Australia
Monday 17 June 2013
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