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Friday 27 February 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML

#21363177
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19851) - you deserved it (9204)

On 02/25/2015 at 5:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

#21362603
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23450) - you deserved it (6448)

On 02/24/2015 at 2:02pm - love - by hamboneghost (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

#21363801
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19637) - you deserved it (6164) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2015 at 2:35am - love - by ManchotDesAndes - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26027) - you deserved it (5404)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

#21364034
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11806) - you deserved it (5071)

On 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm - misc - by MuteNToot (man) -

Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML

#21361729
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28247) - you deserved it (4771)

On 02/23/2015 at 12:56pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I ordered Chinese and told them I was allergic to eggs. I took a bite and I found some egg, quickly spat it out and took my antihistamines. When I returned with it and complained about my potential demise, they gave me a free orange to apologise. I'm allergic to oranges. FML

#21361977
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26314) - you deserved it (4479)

On 02/23/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by hatemebeforetheyevenhatch (woman) - United Kingdom (West Dunbartonshire)

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

#21362244
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23766) - you deserved it (4161)

On 02/23/2015 at 11:58pm - misc - by MDoremis - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I got laid off. I abandoned my friends, my boyfriend and moved 10 hours away for this job because my uncle convinced me to. My uncle is my employer. FML

#21361965
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26741) - you deserved it (3803)

On 02/23/2015 at 6:52pm - work - by now what - Canada

Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

#21363653
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18847) - you deserved it (3817)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:21pm - misc - by fredi - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I apologised to someone for my misuse of the word 'coloured' in a discussion about ethnic minority issues. They then got even more angry and said that to even quote the word in the context of an apology is evidence of my ignorance and inherent racism. FML

#21362753
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22041) - you deserved it (3530)

On 02/24/2015 at 6:13pm - misc - by whiteycan'tgetitrightey - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend, she received a flirty message from her ex on her phone asking if she wanted to go to the cinema. She replied, knowing I could see the screen. The messages were signed with a love heart and about 15 kisses. She claims they are still just friends. FML

#21362430
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27201) - you deserved it (2867)

On 02/24/2015 at 6:50am - love - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I found out my son likes to pee in the shower. He stated, "It's okay because dad pees in the sink!" I'm living with a bunch of bears. FML

#21363816
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19918) - you deserved it (2902)

On 02/26/2015 at 6:24am - kids - by showerlover (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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