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Tuesday 16 September 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was checking out of a hotel when I saw some complementary mints. They weren't mints. They were glass beads. FML

Today, after politely reminding my husband to turn the bathroom light off after he's done, he did so. While I was on the toilet. FML

#21258522
53 comments

Today, I was going to put some Italian dressing on my salad when I noticed that the oil and vinegar weren't mixed. After putting the cap back on, I shook as hard as I could. The cap came flying off and I showered myself in the dressing. FML

#21258902
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17104) - you deserved it (5125)

On 09/15/2014 at 5:37pm - misc - by imamess (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my husband's laziness got so bad that he asked me to jack him off while he watched porn because he was "too tired" to do it himself. FML

#21258768
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29185) - you deserved it (3446)

On 09/15/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by lovelyanimetits (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I had made a cup of my favorite coffee, which I had recently found to be discontinued. To accompany this last cup, I went to get a muffin. As I turned around, I see my son pouring the cup out because I out put it next to the sink and he thought it was dirty. FML

#21258936
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18806) - you deserved it (3511)

On 09/15/2014 at 6:19pm - misc - by lucas_urev - United States (New York)

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

#21258820
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25355) - you deserved it (2598)

On 09/15/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

#21258796
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26125) - you deserved it (2368)

On 09/15/2014 at 1:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

#21258867
63 comments

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

#21259205
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16201) - you deserved it (2195)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:31am - kids - by HeIsKindaRightTho (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I babysat a 10 year old from hell. She kept insulting me, saying I have tiny boobs, that boys must hate me, and that I'm ugly. I eventually got fed up and put her to bed. When her parents came back, she ran out of her room in tears and told them I'd beaten her. They believed it. FML

#21258738
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28471) - you deserved it (1690)

On 09/15/2014 at 11:51am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a customer told me that there was no way he was paying for his shopping. He then walked off. As it turns out, the customer IS always right. FML

#21259221
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17303) - you deserved it (1380)

On 09/16/2014 at 1:04am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, while waiting for my violin student to unpack his violin, he farted loudly and rhythmically on the sofa, and then went on about how it sounded like the "Shave and a Haircut" rhythm. FML

#21259194
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15547) - you deserved it (1336)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:17am - work - by cazzb - United States (Virginia)

Today, my eight-year-old brother told his classmates that I have cancer. Nope, just really bad acne. FML

#21258921
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19104) - you deserved it (1282)

On 09/15/2014 at 6:05pm - kids - by Peeves - United States



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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