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Sunday 25 January 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML

#21341213
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18175) - you deserved it (17397)

On 01/20/2015 at 8:56pm - work - by kingkobrastrikes (man) - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top. My ass hit the horn and scared my boyfriend so bad, he jumped, causing me to hit my head so hard that I swear I got a concussion. FML

#21341327
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25723) - you deserved it (9370)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:10pm - intimacy - by chelse_elyce - United States

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML

#21341633
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26488) - you deserved it (7917)

On 01/21/2015 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by cuckolddreams - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

#21342311
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23443) - you deserved it (7881)

On 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm - health - by annoyed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I made fun of a friend at a dinner party after he forgot to put his engagement ring on. It turned out his fiancée actually ended the engagement last week, and everyone thinks I was being spiteful just because the girl is my ex. FML

#21340977
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26186) - you deserved it (7597)

On 01/20/2015 at 2:16pm - love - by FootInMouth - South Africa

Today, I made a joke that my boyfriend was going to end up sending me into premature labor. Later, I went into labor for real. My boyfriend thought I was faking and refused to take me to the hospital. FML

#21342125
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27206) - you deserved it (6634)

On 01/22/2015 at 6:32am - health - by unsuspectingmom - United States (Michigan)

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

#21340142
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29737) - you deserved it (6295)

On 01/19/2015 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

#21340194
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27634) - you deserved it (6177)

On 01/19/2015 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I let out a monstrous fart at the gym. They said it didn't even sound human. FML

#21341250
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25446) - you deserved it (5594)

On 01/20/2015 at 9:41pm - misc - by highschoolsucks - United States

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29251) - you deserved it (5181)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

#21339980
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32417) - you deserved it (5098)

On 01/19/2015 at 12:35am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend when I began dozing off. I was then awoken by an explosive fart. It was me. FML

#21340117
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28019) - you deserved it (4726)

On 01/19/2015 at 8:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

#21341011
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23465) - you deserved it (4625)

On 01/20/2015 at 3:24pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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Thursday 22 January 2015

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