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Sunday 7 February 2016

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my cellphone-hating teacher called someone during class, so I called him out about it. Turned out his wife was having a tumor removed, and he was calling to see if she was okay. FML

Today, it's been about 8 months since I moved into my studio flat. It was already furnished, there was no bed but a fancy bedseat from Ikea. I slept uncomfortably on it for months until I realised it pulls out to become a double bed. FML

#21521867
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14944) - you deserved it (10104)

On 02/01/2016 at 6:11pm - misc - by scottishoatmeal - United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross)

Today, I was driving back home when I saw a yellow object flying off my roof of my car through the side mirrors. I thought nothing of it, then I noticed that I didn't have my phone with me. That's when I realized that the "flying yellow object" was my phone. FML

#21521941
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16512) - you deserved it (6116)

On 02/01/2016 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

#21522994
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14844) - you deserved it (5181)

On 02/05/2016 at 4:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

#21521769
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18503) - you deserved it (4658)

On 02/01/2016 at 12:00pm - intimacy - by IsThisRealLife (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my psycho-obsessed ex-girlfriend blabbed all about how she got a check in the mail for $1000 from CrimeStoppers on Facebook and Twitter. This explains how my current girlfriend and two of my friends all got arrested last week for having weed. FML

#21522828
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15569) - you deserved it (3689)

On 02/04/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after finding out that my professor likes to talk trash about, and constantly belittle, Muslims in every American History class he teaches, I submitted an essay about Muslim contributions to humanity. He held me back after class and asked why I gave him such filth. I'm a Muslim. FML

#21522430
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22887) - you deserved it (3664)

On 02/03/2016 at 1:14pm - work - by Upset (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my tax filing status was never changed after my divorce. This means I haven't been paying enough and now the government wants its money. FML

#21522112
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18452) - you deserved it (3649)

On 02/02/2016 at 1:48pm - money - by sideeffect001 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I got to work and saw a new desk had been setup on stilts. 'Oh, who got the standing desk?' I asked. Turns out it's for the guy in the wheelchair who was right behind me. It needs to be high so the controls of his wheelchair can fit under the desk. FML

#21522017
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17115) - you deserved it (3266)

On 02/02/2016 at 5:06am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

#21522398
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23149) - you deserved it (3257)

On 02/03/2016 at 10:40am - intimacy - by :x (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

#21523085
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11563) - you deserved it (3238)

On 02/05/2016 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

#21522776
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17863) - you deserved it (2991)

On 02/04/2016 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by doodlecrzyMeg (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after a badly misjudged hand signal, I accidentally hit my boss in the face instead of high-fiving her. FML

#21522381
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17135) - you deserved it (2653)

On 02/03/2016 at 10:06am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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Friday 5 February 2016

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