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Thursday 18 December 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

#21318606
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16170) - you deserved it (20973)

On 12/16/2014 at 4:04pm - health - by fuck - Norway (Buskerud)

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

#21317815
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26218) - you deserved it (6964)

On 12/15/2014 at 6:59am - love - by LonelyGuy (man) - Australia

Today, my classmate said I looked better without makeup. Well, her exact words were, "You look like less of a whore without makeup." FML

Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML

#21318917
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16934) - you deserved it (5439) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/17/2014 at 12:29am - intimacy - by marie0908 - France (Aquitaine)

Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

#21318557
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20098) - you deserved it (4725)

On 12/16/2014 at 2:26pm - misc - by privatebathroomneeded - United States (California)

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

#21318416
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25315) - you deserved it (4700)

On 12/16/2014 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Extravirgin (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21000) - you deserved it (4059)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

#21318238
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24959) - you deserved it (2862)

On 12/15/2014 at 10:38pm - kids - by Lisa - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boss heard a rumor that I was in a relationship with a fellow co-worker. He assured me that inside relationships weren't against any store policy, so I confirmed it. He then fired my boyfriend anyway. FML

#21318814
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18667) - you deserved it (2833)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:31pm - work - by thankssomuch - United States (Maine)

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23155) - you deserved it (2418)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML

#21318466
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21549) - you deserved it (2322)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:01am - animals - by scars - United States (Illinois)



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