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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally reached the point where it became necessary to give my boyfriend an ultimatum: either clip your toenails, or we aren't having sex. FML

#21405555
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28743) - you deserved it (2807)

On 05/06/2015 at 8:50am - love - by anon - United States (Kansas)

Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

#21405568
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27621) - you deserved it (2793)

On 05/06/2015 at 9:36am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

#21406694
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30480) - you deserved it (2787)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:44am - misc - by brittrus - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a passing by bird managed to poop through my car's sunroof and onto the center console. FML

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML

#21405053
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34534) - you deserved it (2785)

On 05/05/2015 at 10:44am - love - by inheritance (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML

#21404939
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26433) - you deserved it (2780)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:42am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

#21413610
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30235) - you deserved it (2759)

On 05/21/2015 at 4:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

#21410853
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29240) - you deserved it (2756)

On 05/16/2015 at 5:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

#21414249
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25193) - you deserved it (2733)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

#21407311
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33232) - you deserved it (2721)

On 05/09/2015 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I felt pretty. As I deal with a severe anxiety and depression, I was proud of myself. All until a little girl asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

#21413979
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22337) - you deserved it (2700)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by xolaurennnn - United States

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

#21403566
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30221) - you deserved it (2697)

On 05/02/2015 at 8:08pm - work - by Jbheller (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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