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August 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

#21457897
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23780) - you deserved it (2885)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:54am - intimacy - by lonelygal69 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

#21453135
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21031) - you deserved it (2873)

On 08/07/2015 at 12:36pm - health - by blow me (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML

#21452951
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23858) - you deserved it (2859)

On 08/06/2015 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Notsurewhattofeelaboutthis (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

#21452513
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20554) - you deserved it (2838)

On 08/06/2015 at 12:10am - work - by ilovebigmacs - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML

#21454901
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28250) - you deserved it (2827)

On 08/11/2015 at 7:05pm - work - by NotJobbing (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML

#21461561
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16589) - you deserved it (2802)

On 08/28/2015 at 12:40am - misc - by morethanablondemoment - United States (California)

Today, my boss made me type up my own written warning, where I had to trash myself and describe my own "shocking incompetence". All the department heads are going to receive a copy of this. FML

#21451804
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22113) - you deserved it (2791)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:06pm - work - by ksa (man) - Poland (Slaskie)

Today, I was at a bar. When asked if I wanted a refill of my coffee, I said yes, and moved the cup from my lap to the counter. As I did this, the waitress spilled hot coffee right into my crotch. FML

Today, is my five year anniversary. My boyfriend said he was gonna get me something shiny this year. I thought he was gonna propose. He got me a set of sparkle glue. FML

#21460828
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21565) - you deserved it (2761)

On 08/26/2015 at 3:45am - love - by Anonymous - India (West Bengal)

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

#21453630
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22038) - you deserved it (2718)

On 08/08/2015 at 9:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it was still easier for me to get an engineering PhD than it is to get a girlfriend. FML

#21452435
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22011) - you deserved it (2707)

On 08/05/2015 at 9:22pm - love - by still single (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)



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