Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
August 2016

Choose a category

Today, I see our boss, visiting from USA, press the button on the coffee machine, probably thinking the cup will drop automatically. No time to explain, I grab a cup in the cupboard and put it under the now pouring coffee. Next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor, my boss's bodyguard on top of me. FML

by arianelagolden / 08/04/2016 at 3:27am / Work

Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 10:26am / Health

Today, my new supervisor arrived after my old one had transferred away and we had a quick evaluation meeting. As it turns out, I'm not actually a good employee like I thought. I just had a shitty boss who didn't care enough to let me know I wasn't meeting company standards. FML

by UnderAcheiver / 08/26/2016 at 4:46pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML

by StupidPets / 08/23/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and see if I was OK was my World of Warcraft guild leader after I didn't show up to raid. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 11:50pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told the girl working the scanner that half the documents I was indexing from her were upside down. Now ALL of them are upside down. FML

by thx. / 08/04/2016 at 4:35pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I logged on to my Gmail account and to find that my brother had sent my math teacher a picture of Bigfoot peeing into a urinal. Using my account. FML

by Hey, thats not math!? / 08/09/2016 at 4:20pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I got yelled at in my office. It's construction, and I'm the youngest woman. One of my male bosses yelled at me because grown-ass adults won't sign in the log. Either I get my ass kicked by construction guys over a sign-in sheet, or yelled at by my boss. I can't win. FML

by xAdtrx3x / 08/11/2016 at 2:16pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a terrible stomach ache and had some pretty bad gas at work. I tried to head down to the basement for a while to allow my coworkers to continue in peace. About an hour after I came back up, my boss called pest control due to the horrible smell that "must be dead rats". FML

by dead rats / 08/08/2016 at 9:58am / Work

Today, while taking out a jar of mayonnaise, it slipped from my hand, landing on its lid, exploding, and covering both of my dogs from head to tail in it. Terrified, they fled, leaving a trail of globs of mayo. After cleaning both dogs and the house, they both threw up from eating too much mayonnaise. FML

by Jay703 / 08/02/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

by Rowaelin16 / 08/22/2016 at 10:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my boss signed and sent me back my timesheet. He named the PDF file "Timeshit". Now I don't know whether he's terrible at spelling, or just expressed his view of my job. FML

by Moose / 08/02/2016 at 7:18am / Poland / Work

Today, the guy I like finally called to ask me to go grab a drink with him. I just moved six hours away. FML

by funnyhowthatwork / 08/17/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.