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October 2016

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Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2016 at 4:22pm / Switzerland / Animals

Today, recent construction has created a manhole that cars slam over every single morning. This normally starts at 4 a.m. as people make their early commute on my busy street. With every car that hits it, there's a huge echoing slamming noise. FML

by martin1022 / 10/05/2016 at 7:29am / United States / Transportation

Today, I finally bought my first car after saving around £5000 and finding an absolute bargain that ticked all the boxes! Today was also the day of my first ever car accident, resulting in the car being written off by an uninsured driver. I had it less than 9 hours. FML

by One_Wheel_Wonder / 10/06/2016 at 11:36am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML

by oped01 / 10/17/2016 at 8:15pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I got mugged. For my Big Mac. What the fuck? FML

by macguy / 10/20/2016 at 10:25am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer at work asked me to ring her a taxi. The phone number she gave me was for a company 250 miles away. The woman on the other end thought I was deranged. FML

by rufus_t_firefly / 10/03/2016 at 2:48pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

by eyebags / 10/10/2016 at 9:04am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, it seems like everyone in my family knew about my boyfriend's new engagement, all except me. FML

by jaymaag25 / 10/20/2016 at 2:28am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, while at my job as a lifeguard, a little girl got stuck in the shower cubicle because the lock wouldn't open. To get her out, I had to lift the door off the hinges and swing it open, a fairly safe procedure. The hinges broke, though, and I ended up hitting the girl with the door. FML

by caitywebbkid / 10/09/2016 at 7:36am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while on the skytrain, a woman leaned on the railing bar that I was holding onto, crushing my hand. My first instinct was to move my hand when she turned around and began loudly yelling at me for, "Touching her waist" and "Sexually harassing" her. FML

by Whyudodis / 10/01/2016 at 3:18am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

by LemonLearn / 10/06/2016 at 4:59pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

by unluckysamaritan / 10/15/2016 at 4:51am / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, after laying down to sleep, my boyfriend seemed like he was having trouble trying to say something. After asking what was wrong a couple of times, he said, "I don't want to do this anymore" and got up and left. I had planned on telling him I love him. Saved myself some embarrassment I guess. FML

by hikingtospace / 10/04/2016 at 11:25am / United States (Ohio) / Love