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September 2016

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Today, my co-worker, who used to be in a frat with me in college, decided to tell all my coworkers as well as my boss all the stupid things I did in college, starting with the time a girl stole my clothes and I had to walk across campus naked. FML

by fretting / 09/08/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I got my dog some weight loss formula food, as she is very overweight. This new food makes her have horrible gas. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2016 at 12:27am / United States (Arkansas) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML

by Gas-pingForAir / 09/19/2016 at 4:59am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my fiancé and I had to attend a wedding. Problem is, I suffer from a severe form of social anxiety. Since I was getting too close to a panic attack, he suggested drinking some wine to help me stay calm, and it worked. Up until I got drunk and threw up in the middle of the restaurant. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2016 at 8:28am / Italy (Veneto) / Miscellaneous

Today, marks the third time this month my parents came to visit. I moved 5 hours away to get away from them. FML

by AlwaysTired / 09/14/2016 at 10:57am / United States / Transportation

Today, I was told I have narcolepsy, and I've it for a year and a half. When asked why I didn't go to a doctor before, I answered that I'd always assumed it was a normal adult thing to fall asleep randomly because of how everyone says they're always exhausted. Apparently not. FML

by littlekellilee / 09/16/2016 at 12:27am / Canada / Health

Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten minutes into it, I dropped a 10-pound dumbbell on my face. I now have a horrific looking black eye, and half of my cheek is a mottled green color. Not to mention the cut above my eye that needed 4 stitches. FML

by Rowaelin16 / 09/22/2016 at 11:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I met a friend I hadn't seen in forever. After talking for a while, he says "I knew there was a reason I stopped talking to you." FML

by XRayXLopez1 / 09/19/2016 at 11:31pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher called a friend and me out of class and told us we had been reported for plagiarism because our answers to a problem were nearly identical, and he said that I shouldn't have shared my work. This for an assignment where significant marks were awarded for collaborating with peers. FML

by R / 09/05/2016 at 6:27am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a friendship bracelet. I'm not sure what's sadder, the fact that I don't actually have a friend to give the other half to, or that I'm actually wearing one of them so it looks like I have friends. FML

by very very lonely / 09/24/2016 at 12:18am / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the guys I live with have an ongoing contest to see if they can hit targets on the inside of the toilet lid with urine when they pee. I could forgive this in my seven-year-old son, but not my forty-year-old husband. FML

by makehimscrubit / 09/13/2016 at 11:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2016 at 9:32am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

by ripped / 09/07/2016 at 10:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals