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April 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

#21392745
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26635) - you deserved it (2913)

On 04/13/2015 at 1:35am - intimacy - by bigmouthedmommy - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML

#21387562
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28537) - you deserved it (2903)

On 04/04/2015 at 2:23pm - misc - by n - United States

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

#21393386
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27129) - you deserved it (2889)

On 04/14/2015 at 4:33am - intimacy - by Lebac - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

#21386410
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26509) - you deserved it (2853)

On 04/02/2015 at 8:51am - health - by RomanceFail - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

#21386446
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22961) - you deserved it (2848)

On 04/02/2015 at 10:19am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

#21391420
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25900) - you deserved it (2836)

On 04/10/2015 at 6:17pm - misc - by dickhead (woman) - United States

Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML

#21387401
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31478) - you deserved it (2776)

On 04/04/2015 at 6:16am - love - by Anonymous - India

Today, the last thing I remember before getting the shit beaten out of me at the bar, was my dipshit brother saying to me, "Dude, I'm not a racist, but" and then ranting about how non-whites should get out of America. FML

#21387285
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27156) - you deserved it (2749)

On 04/03/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation where I had no internet whatsoever. I turned on my phone to get notifications, hoping to see a message or two that I'd missed while gone. There was 1 notification, telling me how many FMLs were posted while I was away. FML

#21388075
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28844) - you deserved it (2747)

On 04/05/2015 at 2:03pm - misc - by supercharged - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I started having chest pains and shortness of breath. I thought I was having a heart attack and I asked my husband to take me to the hospital. He told me to wait because he'd just ordered a pizza. FML

#21387949
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30420) - you deserved it (2735)

On 04/05/2015 at 8:27am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

#21392816
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31414) - you deserved it (2725)

On 04/13/2015 at 6:43am - love - by whymanwhy (woman) - Czech Republic

Today, I was forced into accepting a "promotion" for a position that pays less than what I get right now. FML

#21387438
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27813) - you deserved it (2677)

On 04/04/2015 at 8:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my roommate and I are so broke, we resorted to going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for the refreshments. FML

#21395180
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20215) - you deserved it (2662)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:50am - money - by jamongrande - United States (California)



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