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September 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after returning from taking my sister off to college, my parents told me that our house would be a lot quieter with my sister gone. Not because she's loud, but because she has friends and I apparently don't. FML

#21252132
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34839) - you deserved it (3133)

On 09/04/2014 at 10:59pm - misc - by AllieG33 - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I looked at a girl's profile on a dating website, and it told her I'd visited it. Later on, she sent me a message. It said: "Don't even think about it." FML

#21253110
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32887) - you deserved it (3133)

On 09/06/2014 at 3:29pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML

#21252384
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33089) - you deserved it (3127)

On 09/05/2014 at 12:17pm - love - by anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was replaced in the symphony I play in. I play the clarinet, and a standard symphony only uses two, so getting into one can be quite competitive. My conductor's reasoning? "I was sure you were going to college." I never mentioned college to him, other than saying I wasn't going. FML

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

#21251280
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31540) - you deserved it (3112)

On 09/03/2014 at 5:30pm - health - by svenska75 (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

#21257810
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30950) - you deserved it (3088)

On 09/13/2014 at 11:38pm - animals - by new dog - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML

#21253019
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42160) - you deserved it (3068)

On 09/06/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by StillPissedOffAtIrony (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

#21259449
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26505) - you deserved it (3061)

On 09/16/2014 at 1:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

#21258820
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29236) - you deserved it (3055)

On 09/15/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

#21257414
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33410) - you deserved it (2999)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:36am - misc - by Jamestown of Vagina (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

#21252441
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32034) - you deserved it (2976)

On 09/05/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

#21258867
74 comments

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

#21255855
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28037) - you deserved it (2935)

On 09/10/2014 at 6:40pm - health - by skinnyguy23 (man) - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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