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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

#21405973
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31407) - you deserved it (4289)

On 05/06/2015 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by dadoftheyear (man) - United States

Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML

Today, I clogged the toilet in the one-man bathroom at the corner store, with a line of about 5 people waiting outside. FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

#21410138
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29557) - you deserved it (4188)

On 05/14/2015 at 6:17pm - love - by what even - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care facility. I'm also on a medication that has a side effect of confusion. I had 3 residents with Alzheimer's tell me to 'get my shit together.' FML

Today, 2 years into our relationship, my boyfriend's parents still have no idea about me. FML

Today, I walked into my boss' office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

#21414059
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24061) - you deserved it (4014)

On 05/22/2015 at 3:44pm - work - by zheiraT - United States (Maine)

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

#21411735
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26074) - you deserved it (3907)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:54pm - intimacy - by fuckingdonuts - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21408360
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26033) - you deserved it (3890)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

#21415477
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14521) - you deserved it (3891)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

#21412861
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24869) - you deserved it (3875)

On 05/20/2015 at 1:34am - misc - by KittKatt (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

#21408859
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28793) - you deserved it (3826)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Darryl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML

#21406781
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27299) - you deserved it (3713)

On 05/08/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by McWhopper - United States (Massachusetts)



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