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September 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML

#21261625
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26103) - you deserved it (3992)

On 09/20/2014 at 2:54am - misc - by pasquale - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

#21260355
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36018) - you deserved it (3994)

On 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by HappilyNeverAfter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm moving out of the house. My little sister can't wait and I've never seen my dad so happy. FML

#21253301
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32090) - you deserved it (3887)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:34pm - misc - by Not Wanted - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my sister told me the reason why she went with me to a gay pride parade a few months ago was because she thought it would inspire me to come out. FML

Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML

#21262480
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19607) - you deserved it (3887)

On 09/21/2014 at 2:23pm - money - by sickened (woman) - United Kingdom (Gateshead)

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

#21261205
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29516) - you deserved it (3848)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML

#21253597
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35917) - you deserved it (3802)

On 09/07/2014 at 9:45am - misc - by goodmorning - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was punched in the face because my uncontrollable hiccups were "annoying". FML

#21250817
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35336) - you deserved it (3800)

On 09/02/2014 at 10:13pm - health - by soccer8goalie - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was hit with a sudden onset of diarrhea and had to use the washroom on the train. As soon as I pulled down my pants, my worst nightmare came true, as someone opened the door and exposed me to the other passengers. FML

Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML

#21252521
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40216) - you deserved it (3657)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:11pm - love - by apparentlybutch (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML

#21259403
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24837) - you deserved it (3656)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:20pm - health - by I need a new ballsack. (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

#21253639
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34514) - you deserved it (3646)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:11am - misc - by imgonnadie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my co-workers threw me a surprise 30th birthday party. After lighting sparklers on the cake and singing happy birthday, we all enjoyed a few moments of sparkly, happy fun time. Then the building's fire alarm tripped and over 200 people had to be evacuated. FML

#21259630
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29052) - you deserved it (3624)

On 09/16/2014 at 7:23pm - work - by so so old now (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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