Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
September 2016

Choose a category

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

by AloneAgainNaturally / 09/09/2016 at 5:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML

by Battlebarney / 09/22/2016 at 6:58am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself since they last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML

by thickly / 09/19/2016 at 1:31pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, I studied all night for a big test. I ended up falling asleep on the bus ride there. I woke up in a different province. FML

by CoolGuy69 / 09/12/2016 at 7:53am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Transportation

Today, my fiancé and I had to attend a wedding. Problem is, I suffer from a severe form of social anxiety. Since I was getting too close to a panic attack, he suggested drinking some wine to help me stay calm, and it worked. Up until I got drunk and threw up in the middle of the restaurant. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2016 at 8:28am / Italy (Veneto) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a quiz online called "Do Your Friends Actually Like You?" I quit after two questions because I remembered I don't actually have any friends. FML

Today, I'm fostering a very shy cat who doesn't like to be held. I had to move the litter box to another room, but when I picked him up to show him where I'd moved it to, he peed on me. FML

by kdriver / 09/12/2016 at 10:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I eavesdropped as my friend tried hinting to my crush that I like him. He replied, "Haha, eww. She looks like a fuckin' garden gnome." FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2016 at 12:33pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML

by failedparenting / 09/07/2016 at 12:44pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

by AnxiousCucumber / 09/07/2016 at 4:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I logged onto Tinder to see if I had any messages. I had one: "Get off Tinder." FML

by Thay / 09/01/2016 at 6:28pm / United States / Love

Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML

by Anon / 09/11/2016 at 3:27am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend of over a year said that being in a relationship is pointless. When I responded that I couldn't picture my life without him, he said he couldn't picture his life without our cat. FML

by Rosie / 09/06/2016 at 8:13am / United States (Ohio) / Love