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July 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML

#21208337
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33918) - you deserved it (8299)

On 07/13/2014 at 10:10pm - animals - by dogggg (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

#21217564
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29132) - you deserved it (7941)

On 07/22/2014 at 5:55pm - work - by Infadel - United States (California)

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42429) - you deserved it (7876)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

#21204913
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45257) - you deserved it (7843)

On 07/10/2014 at 9:34am - love - by oh my fucking god (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML

#21197391
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42859) - you deserved it (7842)

On 07/03/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by blood buddies - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML

#21215195
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48383) - you deserved it (7746)

On 07/20/2014 at 1:59pm - love - by I Feel Horrible - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with an extremely cute girl. About 30 minutes in, she excused herself to the restroom. I waited for about 20 minutes, then I got up and left. About 10 minutes later, she called asking where I was. FML

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50523) - you deserved it (7528)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

#21209954
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38080) - you deserved it (7299)

On 07/15/2014 at 6:04pm - work - by mister_pinky (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on a job interview. The interviewer said it all went well, but he can't hire me because I've got a nose piercing, and that type of "image" isn't the kind they're looking for in their employees. This is the guy who had a full sleeve tattoo. FML

#21200605
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42776) - you deserved it (7144)

On 07/06/2014 at 2:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

#21199559
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44106) - you deserved it (7050)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:53pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

#21207158
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41492) - you deserved it (6932)

On 07/12/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)



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