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May 2015

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Today, I called 911 to report a drunk driver. The operator yelled at me for following the guy and told me to get off the phone because I shouldn't be driving with a phone to my ear. FML

#21416830
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22591) - you deserved it (5550)

On 05/27/2015 at 9:28pm - misc - by drivingmecrazy - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

#21404933
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26393) - you deserved it (5501)

On 05/05/2015 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

#21407745
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30870) - you deserved it (5457)

On 05/10/2015 at 11:35am - intimacy - by YouDontSay (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31791) - you deserved it (5300)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, I realised I've been depressed about my recent break up for longer than the relationship even lasted. FML

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

#21414271
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24624) - you deserved it (5197)

On 05/23/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by Strainer - United States (California)

Today, it was the first time a guy has shown any interest in me by calling me pretty. I was so shocked that instead of saying thank you, I hid behind the nearest object and promptly giggle-snorted. FML

Today, while mowing my backyard, I messily discovered that a family of rabbits has been living out there in the tall grass. FML

#21410882
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32246) - you deserved it (4884)

On 05/16/2015 at 7:47am - animals - by yif2 (woman) - United States

Today, my main source of income is finding money on the ground. FML

#21406019
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27454) - you deserved it (4829)

On 05/07/2015 at 1:12am - work - by CASH_NoMOMEY - United States (California)

Today, I went to the yearly town carnival with my friends. I hadn't slept well the night before and when I got onto the scariest ride, I somehow fell half asleep. I woke up upside down and ended up peeing myself in terror. FML

#21403515
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28723) - you deserved it (4821)

On 05/02/2015 at 5:59pm - misc - by Upside-Down Sleeper. - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

#21408378
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31191) - you deserved it (4774)

On 05/11/2015 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

#21403757
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31426) - you deserved it (4628)

On 05/03/2015 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML

#21413424
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26503) - you deserved it (4614)

On 05/21/2015 at 6:48am - work - by pgmonster - United States (California)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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