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October 2016

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Today, I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and things were getting heated when he got a call from one of his mates wanting to play Counter Strike. Next thing I know, I'm laying in bed by myself listening to him rage. FML

by The_Life / 10/12/2016 at 9:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Geek

Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's been a death in the family, then abruptly hangs up. I speed home, to find my mother holding the tiny corpse of a fish that she got 2 weeks ago. I got fired for being late to work. FML

by JoeyTheJedi / 10/17/2016 at 8:31pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, the family computer kept overheating. My four-year-old son thought the solution was to pour a nice, cold cup of water on it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2016 at 7:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I told my wife that she gets 100% of me and I keep nothing from her. She told me she doesn't want it and that I should get counseling. FML

by Rejected / 10/03/2016 at 12:00pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I got a bug bite on my boob. I scratched it so much it started bleeding so I put a bandaid on it. Turns out the band-aid had latex in it and I got an allergic reaction to it. The bug bite is still bleeding and the top half of my boob is swollen. FML

by paytonallyce / 10/02/2016 at 10:32pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

by chrisinator / 10/11/2016 at 12:21am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I had a conversation with the cute girl I like at work for the first time. I told her I worked in the camping department of the store, and we had a long chat about how she heard that the guy who runs that department is a complete dick head. I am the guy who runs that department. FML

by Smitty Werbenjeagermanjensen / 10/26/2016 at 11:19pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend broke up with me. She immediately asked if it was because I didn't put out. I'm 15. FML

by LittleLou / 10/16/2016 at 12:28am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

by MulticoloredSlug / 10/13/2016 at 6:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

by Miss_Whipped / 10/14/2016 at 2:04am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

by Chard of Glass / 10/04/2016 at 8:45am / Canada (Newfoundland) / Health

Today, I got into my dream university. I also got turned down for the scholarship and the loan that would enable me to actually go. FML

by TooPoorForPrivateUni / 10/09/2016 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (Merton) / Money

Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an extent that customers were starting to hate me." FML

by trollbot13 / 10/24/2016 at 5:39am / India (Andhra Pradesh) / Work