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January 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

#21340142
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30552) - you deserved it (6360)

On 01/19/2015 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

#21331295
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30594) - you deserved it (6356)

On 01/05/2015 at 12:58pm - kids - by midwify (woman) - Denmark (Nordjylland)

Today, I mentioned to my girlfriend that I'd sent in a job application after she went home. In front of her parents. Who thought she'd stayed the night at a friend's place. FML

Today, these cute girls approached me and asked me to take a picture of them. One girl asked me if I could send it to her because her phone had died. I was excited to have her number, but it turns out that she deleted the message after she sent the picture to herself. FML

#21330933
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25697) - you deserved it (6308)

On 01/04/2015 at 10:10pm - love - by fml - United States

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

#21340194
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28359) - you deserved it (6292)

On 01/19/2015 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML

#21330185
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34328) - you deserved it (6137)

On 01/03/2015 at 7:23pm - love - by allgassedout (man) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML

#21333775
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29705) - you deserved it (6085)

On 01/09/2015 at 4:11am - love - by pitytitty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

#21337152
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26154) - you deserved it (6026)

On 01/14/2015 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by imsorry (man) - United States (California)

Today, I let out a monstrous fart at the gym. They said it didn't even sound human. FML

#21341250
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26631) - you deserved it (5980)

On 01/20/2015 at 9:41pm - misc - by highschoolsucks - United States

Today, I'm celebrating New Years with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

#21328260
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27436) - you deserved it (5883)

On 01/01/2015 at 12:25am - misc - by HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

#21335578
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29278) - you deserved it (5826)

On 01/12/2015 at 2:56am - intimacy - by briiiiiiii123 - United States (New York)

Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML

#21328958
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25169) - you deserved it (5817)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:18pm - animals - by TaddM21 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

#21338935
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27994) - you deserved it (5708)

On 01/17/2015 at 1:49pm - love - by wounded pride, intact cock (man) - United States



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

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